The Sound Of Emotion
by Alia el Bolock
Summary: Music conveys emotion… some of it calming, some exciting & some scarier than you can even imagine. A race against time, where evil is lurking around the corner. A story full of emotions: passion, horror, love, grief, hope… but which one will prevail...
1. The Greatest Sin Of All

**The Sound Of Emotion**

**Summary: **Music conveys emotion… some of it calming, some exciting and some scarier than you can even imagine. A race against time, where evil is lurking just around the corner… but where there's evil there's also still some good. A story full of emotions: passion, horror, love, grief, hope… but which one will prevail...

**Disclaimer: **Well you all know this sad fact: I don't own Stargate :( I want to, but I don't. So I do with writing about it instead =D

**Beta: **The amazing LAIsobel is baring this long story with me… all mistakes are mine and mine alone though… and if there's a chapter or two that she hasn't gotten to beta in between, she'll do it when she gets to and we'll repost it later… THANK YOU ADELA =D

**Genre:** Angst, Thriller, Romantic, Sci-Fi, Drama

**Characters:** It's the whole team, with a spotlight focus on Jack and Sam, though I try to concentrate on Daniel and Teal'c, too , and I think I've given them their fair share =D. Side Appearances: Jacob, Hammond, Pete, Kerry, Oma, Mark and some other people I can't say now as to not give the story away. =D

**Spoilers and Timeline:** It plays out in the end of season 8. It remains true to the canon for the most part, only difference is that Jacob doesn't die, so the wedding doesn't get cancelled. So it's as if Threads never happened. My imagination takes over from there.

**Warnings:** Dark angsty content. Lots of fear. Different kinds of torture and abuse. Unabashed Jack and Sam pairing.

**A/N:** So this is going to be a slightly long author's note, but only to give you the lay of the land, so you know how this thing is going…

It's a musical fic of sorts. I thought, as I love musicals, I want my own but in written form, because words are more expressive than anything, especially when combined with music. So I thought I'd start this little experiment and it's grown into a full length story. So each chapter is based on a song (some of them on more and some on only parts of a song) the idea is to imagine the song playing in the back ground while the scene in the chapter is playing out… I highly recommend listening to the songs alongside with their chapters. I'll provide you with the name of the song and possible a link to it at the beginning of each chapter. The song lyrics will always be written in bold as to distinguish them from my own words. The story is divided into 5 parts, each one experimenting a different set of emotions, but of course the five parts are in canon. I'll also indicate the emotion set at the beginning of each part.

I've been working on this project for a long time, trying to do it as best as I can, cause I was really dedicated to the idea of mixing songs with emotions and having it all projected through illustrative words. I hope you feel as if you're watching the whole scenes play out when you combine each chapter with its song. As if you're really watching a movie. =D

This fic is highly experimental. Please take the time and read it and give it a chance. I really want to know people's reactions to it and how it made you feel. I wanna know if you like the style, find it weird, if it touched you, bored you, enchanted you… what? Please let me know and stick around, I promise you won't regret it, I've given this story a lot and I was aiming for a touching, vivid piece. Your feedback, comments, suggestions and critique in general is more than most welcome, in fact it's highly highly requested…. please please please hehe…. =D

This story is gonna twist and turn and change colors. Ready for the wild ride?

Here goes…. *nervously bitting finger nails*

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><p><strong>Part One<strong>

**Emotion Set:** _Love, Lust, Betrayal, Oppressing emotions, Denial, Guilt, Grief_

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><p><strong>Chapter 1: <strong>The Greatest Sin Of All

**Song:** 9 Crimes by Damien Rice

**Song Link: **www(dot)youtube(dot)com/watch?v=cgqOSCgc8xc&ob=av3e (I suggest heading over there to listen to the song while reading =D)

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><p>Tomorrow's the big day. Sam is lying in Pete's arms. The radio is playing in the background. He's holding on to her for dear life. She's lost in thought, thinking about nothing in particular. The first verse of the song on the radio catches Sam's attention. Apparently she was thinking about something in particular, or better to say someone. That's why the first sentence hit a nerve.<p>

**"Leave me out with the waste."** She deserves that. More than anyone she deserves that, and for more than one reason.

**"This is not what i do."** This is true. She was never one to do that. She values nothing more in life but sincerity, honesty and faithfulness.

**"It's the wrong kind of place to be thinking of you"** And here she is thinking about this while lying in the arms of the man she was about to marry. The man she'd call her husband, starting tomorrow.

**"It's the wrong time for somebody new."** Maybe this too is true. Maybe it was the wrong time. Maybe she should have waited. Said no. He had already become a general. He was no longer directly her CO. Yes, he was her boss, but they no longer worked in the same chain of command. And soon Hammond would retire and he'd take his position. Then there would be nothing standing in their way. Nothing… except the fact that tomorrow she'll be married. Tomorrow she won't be allowed to think what she's thinking right now without being unfaithful. Tomorrow it'll all be over. Tomorrow, she'll give herself away. Tomorrow, she'll forever belong to someone else. Tonight, she is cheating too, but somehow it doesn't feel that wrong. Yet. Not as bad as it would be after she is married. Tonight she's cheating on her fiancé. She's only cheating with her emotions. It is still wrong but as the lady is singing **"It's a small crime"**.

**"And I've got no excuse."** Sam winces at these words. The song is right. She's got no excuse. Even if this is a small crime, she still has no excuse for doing this. She said yes. She agreed to marry him. She went along with all the preparations and plans. She has no right to be lying in his arms while thinking about another man. She has no right to be resting her head on his shoulder while her head is occupied with someone else. She has no right to vow to love him with all her heart, when her heart isn't even hers to give. True she's only emotionally cheating on him but isn't it even worse than physically cheating. She's cheating. She's sitting next to him thinking about another , she'll say 'I do' to Pete in front of the whole world after having said to herself, tonight, that her heart belongs to someone else. To Jack. This is not her. She doesn't do this. She doesn't break the rules. She doesn't do wrong. Yet, right now she can't do anything else.

**"Is that alright with you? To give my gun away when it's loaded?"** Is it? Alright with her? With him? With the other him? She doesn't think so. With all of them, she doesn't think so. It's not alright to give her heart to Pete, when all that's inside is Jack. Her gun is loaded. It's been loaded since forever.

**"Is that alright with you? If you don't shoot it how am I supposed to hold it?"** Is it alright with him? With Jack? Of course it is. She gave him a chance. She gave him many chances. And he didn't bite. Not once. So how is she to keep him inside her heart if he doesn't even give her a reason to. He didn't pull the trigger. He's being the noble man. She knows he cares. She feels it. But he decided to be the gentleman and bow down so that she can be happy. She contributed to that, too. She was the one that started dating Pete. She was the one who let go first. But he's the one who loosened his grip. Whenever one of them got close to someone else, the other feigned indifference. They had a silent agreement: they both knew that someday they'd be allowed to open up to their feelings and that until that day came, they were allowed on occasion to drift closer to others around them. That's why she dated Pete. To temporarily fill the void, like they always did. But then it started to become less temporary. It started to last longer. And he, Jack, started to show her more and more that he was ok with it. At the beginning he did it, she knew, because that's what they did: feign indifference. But then it started to get more serious. And he decided to continue on with the feigning. He decided to take his foot away instead of putting it down. He put the safety on in the gun and now she can't shoot the bullet. She can't dispose of it either.

She's stuck between two men. Or rather a body of one and the shadow of the other. The body of the man next to her, the man that's physically there for her; because she won't acknowledge him on any other level. And the man that's lingering in the background. The man that isn't really there but whose shadow is haunting her because even though he isn't physically there, he's here. He's everywhere. Always.

And she's thinking about him now. She's thinking about him while the body of the man next to her leans closer and kisses her hair. The physical contact causes her to shiver. He perceives it as happiness; his effect on her. He thinks he's aroused her. She shivers because she's feeling sick to her stomach. Sickened by his body, instead of Jack's, touching her. Sickened by thinking this about her fiancé. Sickened by him being her fiancé. Again, sickened by thinking this about her fiancé. Sickened by herself. Yes. Most of all she is sick of herself. She is disgusted at herself. She is supposed to indulge the kiss planted on her by her soon to be husband. She is supposed to be true to him. Instead she excuses herself to go to bed, claiming that a bride needs her beauty sleep the night before the wedding. And before she leaves, he pulls her by the hand and kisses her on the lips. He is about to deepen the kiss, when she pulles away. She can't do it. There she is with her lips intertwined with Pete's wondering how it would feel like if the lips caressing hers were Jack's. She had to go to sleep.

**"Is that alright with you? To give my gun away when it's loaded? That alright with you? With you?"** Is it alright with her to let Pete think he's got a chance with her when she's thinking about someone else. Is it alright, when her mind can't seem to focus on anyone but the only man it's not supposed to be focusing on? Is it alright, when her heart is holding on to the one who let go of it in the first place. No. It's not alright. It's wrong. Even if it's a small crime, it's a crime none the less. Even if it started out as a small crime -a fleeting thought- it turned into a sin. A sin that's getting bigger by the second. She is a criminal. A sinner.

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><p>Tomorrow is the day. The day. Jack's on top of Kerry. It's dark. The radio is playing in the background. She's flushed by what they're doing, far from being done. He's in bed with her but elsewhere with his mind. A line from a song on the radio catches Jack's attention. It makes him aware of where exactly he was with his mind. With who. The song captures it right.<p>

**"Leave me out with the waste, this is not what I do.**" He should be left out with the waste. To rot there and be forgotten. No one would care anyway. At least not anyone he would want to care. Not the special someone he is thinking about. This is wrong. He is doing a terrible thing. But towards who? Whom?

**"It's the wrong kind of place to be cheating on you"** Who is he cheating on exactly? Is it Kerry? Or is it Sam? To be honest he feels like he is cheating on Sam though he knows he is effectively cheating on Kerry. He feels, he is cheating himself: He is in love with Sam and so he is betraying his heart by sleeping with someone else. But then again, she is the one who had left him. She betrayed him. And now he is retaliating. He is moving on. Or rather attempting to. Which brings him back to the cheating part. He is cheating on Kerry.

**"It's the wrong time and she's pulling me through"** Yep. There she is filling his body up, there she is supposedly giving himself and herself a high by what she's doing, but as their bodies connect, as they reach the peak: he's thinking about another woman. He's wishing that this other woman were the one underneath him. He's wishing that this other woman were the one panting in pleasure underneath him. He can only see her face. He is betraying Pete too. He is on top on a woman, while picturing another man's soon to be wife in her place. He is failing everyone.

**"It's a small crime and I got no excuse."** Ha! Small crime. This is no small crime. This is a giant sin. This is… It isn't a sin. Not really. Not yet. He isn't actually -physically- cheating on anyone. But he is emotionally cheating on everyone. He is still hung up on Sam. He has never stopped doing so. There's no excuse. And still there's no other way. She's moved on and so should he. Kerry is a nice woman. In time he will… could… would… love… no like… yes probably like her.

**"And is that alright? Give my gun away when it's loaded"** Nice! Gun! That's fitting. An Air Force Colonel has loaded his gun. And now he's what? Supposed to give it away to someone else? Is that alright with him? With Kerry? How would she feel?

**"Is that alright? If you don't shoot it how am I supposed to hold it?"** How would Sam feel? She wouldn't care. She's with somebody new. She's moved on. She lost the right to feel anything about it. If she doesn't shoot the gun she loaded, he's not obliged to hold on to it. This song is so cliche. It fit his life, literarily and figuratively.

**"Is that alright with you? Give my gun away when it's loaded Is that alright? Is that alright with you?" **

He can't breathe. He can't be with Kerry. He can't be with Sam. He can't be inside his own body. And more importantly he can't remain inside Kerry's body, so he loosens his grip on it. He lets go. She isn't done and neither is he but yet he is so **done**. When she wonders what is wrong, he explains that he is tired and has to get some sleep. She understands. He's had a hard day at work and tomorrow one of the people under his command -a close friend- is getting married, so he has to be well rested for tomorrow.

**"That alright? Give my gun away when it's loaded. Is that alright? If you don't shoot it how am I supposed to hold it? Is that alright? Give my gun away when it's loaded. Is that alright? Is that alright with you?"** The guilt is eating him up as he turns away from Kerry. The pain is pulling on him from all sides. The anger. The betrayal. The lust. The regret. All of a sudden the regret stands out from all the other emotions running through his body. She gave him a loaded gun. With several bullets. And on many occasions, **he** failed to shoot it. He is the one who failed to shoot the gun. He was supposed to shoot it, not the other way round, right? He is an Air Force General and he couldn't bring himself to pull the trigger. So how could he expect her to hold onto the gun? She gave it to him. Put it in his hands. She gave him her love - tried to- and he didn't take it in. He left it there, inside the barrel of the gun. Was he really expecting her to what? Leave her love flowing to the ground when there was cup longing for one single drop of it? Was she supposed to turn down a guy who promised to love her with all his heart just because her heart loved someone else, someone who didn't catch it? He pushed her towards this. Forced her to do it. He gave her no other choice. And now he has to live with the consequences. And he's taking another soul down with him. He's doomed Kerry with him too. Dragged her into this. And Sam? What if he's hurt her? He surely hurt her. She was expecting him to pull the trigger; to take the lead. She showed him the way, gave him all the possible signs and yet he ignored them. He ignored them and got lost on the way. Now he's in the middle of nowhere with one… no three, other lost souls, because of him.

**"Is that alright? Is that alright? Is that alright? Is that alright? Is that alright? Is that alright with you? No…"** No! It isn't alright. It is far from alright. He lost the love he's loved the most and he's got no one else to blame but himself. As much as he wants to blame someone else, he can't. He is completely to blame. True she is the one who started dating in the first place but that's because he is the one who set her out there to the world. He's the one who didn't lay claim on her. He left her out there for anyone who wanted her. And so she let herself be captured by anyone who was ready to catch her. And he wasn't there. He wasn't ready. He's the one who let her fall out of his hands in the first place. Pete. Pete is the one who caught her, before she fell down. And now she is no longer his to think about. She is no longer his. And it isn't alright to be thinking of her. He is committing a crime. A crime worse than any he's ever committed. A crime towards Pete. Towards Kerry. And most of all towards Sam and himself. He failed them. That is the greatest crime of them all. That made him a criminal. Yes. A sinner.

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><p><strong>Closing Notes:<strong> So? What do you think? Any feedback? Remember this is just the start… =D

Also, there's an outline for the whole thing, kind of a guide, with the plot of each chapter and its song. I was thinking of posting it at the end after the whole story was up, but if you prefer having it updated with each chapter, so you can have a short plot and reminder of the already read parts just let me know… =D

Don't forget to leave your feedback on the way out… please am dying for it… *still bitting finger nails*


	2. If Only

**A/N: **I had planned to wait a bit between chapters, but after the amazing support and encouragement for my start, I decided to add this one today hehe… I wanna hear more opinions *wishing they'll be that you like it hehe* but please let me know what you honestly think.

Special thanx to MusicByMe12 and rainbowsunset2011 for the encouragement, you really gave me a boost… and of course to my lovely Adela =D And the flash back part, is all her… I mean I had no idea what to do with my favorite line of the song and she did it in a heart beat… so thank you =D

So here goes...

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><p><strong>Chapter 2: <strong>If Only

**Song:** When You Find Me by Joshua Radin ft. Maria Taylor

**Song Link: **www(dot)youtube(dot)com/watch?v=F_fMYtzMBU4 (I suggest heading over there to listen to the song while reading =D)

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><p>As Jack is tossing and turning in bed, these words keep on repeating in his head. This something is slowly killing him inside. He has to get it out. If he doesn't, he'll soon explode. He has to get it out or bury it deep down where no one can ever find it, including himself. And he doesn't know which task is harder, at this point, but according to the state he is in he guesses the latter is probably harder. He remains unsettled in bed till the morning comes.<p>

Kerry who is sleeping next to him, notices his restlessness but knows better than to ask him what it's all about. Jack O'Neill is after all a man that values his privacy and keeps his emotions locked deep inside him. If only she knew!

The alarm rings and Jack is relieved that he can finally get out of bed. But when he does, he finds that he's still far from relieved. Normally when he's had a tough night, waking up and getting on with his day made it all better. But not today! Today getting up makes it a million times worse. As soon as he opens his eyes, he feels a huge weight fall on top of him. He feels lost. He no longer knows his purpose. And that is something, one of the few things, that scares him.

**"Can't you see that when I find you. I'll find me."**

It suddenly hits him. He'll remain this way forever. Forever! Because the only thing that had kept him on the ground, that only thing that had really made him hold on to life after Charlie, was finding Sam. And today, he's going to lose her, so today is the day that he'll be lost again. And from the looks of it, he is going to remain this way until he finds her again, which means he'll remain lost forever, for in exactly 3 hours she'll be lost on him forever: she'll get married!

**"Oh I need you to know today I'll wait for you always. Oh I need you to know today I'll wait for you always."**

But would he really let her go and try to move on as soon as she gets married? He doesn't think so. He'll wait for her always. Till his dying breath. He'll wait for her. He needs her to know that. Needs her to know that he'll be there no matter what. If things didn't work out, if she needed a friend, anything. He'd always be there for her. He really needs her to know that but at the same time he can't tell her. He can never let her know. When did Jack O'Neill become the guy who hangs on to a woman who let him go? When did he become that hopeless lover that wants to tell a woman that he'd wait for her always, even though she's getting married? When did he become the guy who agreed to being the spare tire?

No he can't tell her; no matter how much he yearns to, he can't tell her.

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><p>Sam is tossing restlessly in her bed. She's having a nightmare. Again. She's being visited by the same nightmare every night for almost a month now. Pete wakes her up and tries to comfort her, but like every night before, she can't remember what the nightmare was about and pretends to go back to sleep. But as always she doesn't actually fall back asleep, as she's left petrified by the memory of a dream she can't even remember.<p>

Sam is in the bride's room. She's getting ready for her wedding. Getting ready to forever give her life away. If only Jack would come to her now. If only he'd say the words, she'd instantly give all this up. She only needs to hear a single word from him. Hell she only needs one look from his eyes and she'd gladly give this up.

**"My only weakness is knowing your secrets and holding them close, and hold them tight."**

But she knows that he'll never come to her. He'll never give her what she wants. The problem is that she knows him more than she's supposed to and she knows that even if he really wants to do this; wants to tell her that he'd be there for her and that he still cares, he wouldn't. He wouldn't because he's Jack O'Neill. And he isn't one to let his feelings show, especially in situations like this. Especially when it's her, who is getting married in two hours. He's the nobel man. The man who buries his emotions, if he thinks that this'll make her happy. He thinks that Pete is the better guy for her, that she chose Pete over him and so he's graciously bowing out. He's willing to silently watch by and suffer as long as he thinks she is happy. And she knew that all too well. She knew him, she knew his soul and his heart. She knew the real Jack O'Neill.

**"I know the way to silently make you smile with my eyes, when you're trying to fight"**

Oh she knows the way to make him smile without even saying a word, she really does. She can still remember the first time she managed to do so. It was the day when she decided to stay with Cassie instead of leaving her. When they got back up to the surface, the guys had been standing there, waiting. And Jack looked so strange. He was angry with her for not following the orders, he was worried about her, yes, she knew that, he was also relieved to see them both okay. And he asked her if she was trying to give him a heart attack. She just looked at him and that was the very first time she made him smile only by looking into his eyes. That was day that her heart will always remember. She will always remember the feeling - the love - that had surfaced for the first time for a brief moment before she buried it deep down. Over the years, she'd had to do that way too many times. But there had always been a connection between his heart and hers. And that is something she would never be able to forget! How would she?

**"Can't you see that when I find you, I'll find me"**

If only he knew. If only she could tell him. She would never forget. She'd never be complete unless she was with him. She is settling. With Pete she'll be content but she'll never be truly happy, not the way Jack makes her feel. With Pete she'll feel loved but she'll never feel special and cherished, not like Jack makes her feel. With Pete she'll be living a nice cozy life but she wouldn't really be alive, she wouldn't feel like herself, a part of her will be locked away forever, not like with Jack. With Jack she's herself, she's the way she wants to be: the way she is. Jack knows the real her; the her she never even really knew before she met him. She'll never really be herself without Jack.

**"Oh I need you to know today I'll wait for you always. Oh I need you to know today I'll wait for you always"**

If he isn't Jack, if he'd let his guard down for just one second and if she does too, he'd know that for him she'd wait forever if only he gives her a single sign, a beacon of hope: she'd wait for him always.

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><p>But it's too late. The clock is ticking and soon they'll both be lost forever. In more ways than they know.<p>

**"Can't you see that when I find you. I'll find me."**

Soon they'll both be looking for something they'll never find and so they'll never find themselves.

**"Oh I need you to know today I'll wait for you always."**

Soon they'll remain waiting in limbo forever. Waiting for something that can never come.

**"When I find you... when I find you... I'll find me"**


	3. Between The Minds

A/N: Hey there… first of all thanks for the support it really means a lot to me… al you loyal followers make my days… and make it worthwhile so thank you.

This song is one of my personal favorites and I really recommend listening to it and watching the official video as it's so amazing… trust me you gotta watch the video till the end, it took my breath away =D

So here goes and please let me know that you think… please hehe I really need to know what you guys think =D Thanks =D

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><p>Chapter 3: Do I?<p>

Song: Between The Minds by Jack Savoretti

Song Link: www(dot)youtube(dot)com/watch?v=PIJ4DRSH63Y (again I really recommend listening to the song while reading and then watching the video for the beauty of the song and its video themselves =D)

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><p>The melody to "Here comes the bride" starts to play.<p>

Jacob is walking Sam down the aisle. He's come to terms with her choice to marry Pete and is smiling, like only a proud father would. His little girl is getting married after all. There will always be someone to take care of her. He just can't ask for more... can he? Well yes, he can but he knows he shouldn't so he isn't.

Mark, the best man and the brother of the bride, is squeezing Pete's shoulder, he's happy the set up has worked. His sister is marrying one of his closest friends; a man couldn't be more relieved.

Pete is fighting butterflies, he feels like an excited teenager, beaming stupidly at his approaching bride. But hey - it was Sam, an amazing and gorgeous woman - and she is walking towards him to become his wife! Of course he is happy and grinning.

General Hammond is proud of the daughter of his closest friend, the one he also considers his. And just like Jacob, he silently convinces himself that maybe she is making the right choice. Maybe they all misread the signs. Maybe she and Jack aren't meant to be after all. Maybe the regulations are there for more than one reason. Maybe. And yet he can't stop fighting the doubts and worries.

Teal'c feels that this is a mistake. Deep down he feels that this isn't supposed to happen. But it isn't his place to say anything. If Colonel Carter is happy, so is he. He wants nothing more than for his little sister to be happy, so he lowers his eyebrow and musters the brightest smile he can. He has to. For her, he is willing to do a lot. Right now this means stepping back and giving her lots of support.

Daniel feels the same as Teal'c. He isn't too comfortable about Pete. Something about him is wrong. He doesn't like the way he acts around Sam. He is too immature for her. He didn't respect her privacy, which was proven when he followed her that night to Daniel's house. He feels that Pete doesn't have what it takes to make Sam happy, on the long run. He doesn't really know her. Daniel feels that Sam belongs with someone else. But it isn't his place to say a thing. If Sam thinks she'd be happy with Pete, he can do nothing more than be happy for his sister. If Jack is unwilling to let his feelings show and fight for his love, he can do nothing but be there for him whenever he needed him. Well maybe he should have tried to give him a push to help him see the error of his ways… but it is too late to think about this now. He has a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach about this day anyway, he glances in Jack's direction and decides to ignore the shadow in his eyes. He has to. Then he meets Sam's eyes and finds the same haunted look lingering there. They are making a mistake and there is nothing he can do about it. It is up to them. And this simply sucks! Why hadn't he just pushed them into a supply closet, locked the door and forced them to open up?

Something catches the corner of Sam's eyes. A faint shadow in the far distance. Sam blinks it away, it's probably just from the lack of sleep. But when she opens her eyes, it's still there and it's becoming clearer and she knows what this something is. Something, she knows beyond the shadow of the doubt, isn't there in her wedding. She blinks again. But the shadow doesn't go away. She knows what it is in the back of her mind but she still can't summon the whole knowledge to the front. She takes a deep breath and subtly blinks again and this time the shadow is gone when she opens her eyes again. She is just tired.

Sam takes another deep breath to bring her attention back to the now. The walking down the aisle. And as the air washes the inside of her lungs she shuts everything else out. She's getting married to Pete. She loves Pete. And there's no use in thinking about 'What Ifs' and the likes. Pete loves her and is there for her and Jack is clearly ok with it. She's not going to hang on to someone who doesn't even like her. Never in her life has she been that desperate lover who hangs onto someone who doesn't want her and she isn't gonna start now. She made the right decision. She's one that appreciates logic over all and she chose with her mind. If her heart is going to need some adjusting so be it. But she's doing the right thing and choosing the more suitable guy for her. Her mind knew she was doing the right thing.

Jack's stomach is churning at the thought of this ordeal. He wants to shout out. Scream at the top of his lungs.

**"I've never been the one to shout because I listen. I don't like to raise my voice." **

But as always he does nothing. He grits his teeth and remains silent because there are people around him and he doesn't do that in front of others. If he was alone right now he would have definitely wrecked whatever was in his vicinity. But unfortunately he isn't, so he just sits there and listens to Sam's and Jacob's footsteps as they approach the altar.

Jacob kisses Sam on the forehead and hands her over to Pete who beams at Jacob and then at Sam. Jack just tightens his grip on the chair he's sitting in. Deep in his heart he still can't believe this is happening.

Kerry has already given up on trying to elicit any reaction from him. It had become clear to her since they'd woken up this morning that he was going to be in a foul mood. And she is slowly starting to understand why. The worried look on Daniel's face, as he watches Jack try to contain his pain, proves as much. Her relationship with Jack is over before it has even started. And the reason is the woman that's about to get married in front of them. What a mess.

**"Maybe I should learn to lose my inhibitions and let my feelings make some noise."**

Jack's insides are struggling. He should learn to lose his inhibitions and finally let his feelings speak out before it is too late. He should let his feelings out even if he is surrounded by a thousand souls, but somehow he can't.

**"You don't know what I'm going through when silence is all I give to you."**

He remains silent. He doesn't speak up and it's slowly killing him inside. He feels a knife cut through his heart as soon as the preacher starts to speak.

**"So hear me, if you're out there. Take these words and try to understand that I want you, and I need you, to take the hand of a quiet man."**

For a fleeting moment he finds his eyes wander towards Sam's and for a fraction of a second their eyes lock together. In this single instant he completely lets his guard down. All the emotions running through him are readable inside his eyes. All his pleas for her to listen and understand, all his needs and all his love are easily visible to Sam. She can read his eyes like an open book. She can see beyond them and into his soul. He's silently asking her to trust him one last time. But only for a moment. For as fast as his guard had fallen down, it swiftly comes back up again. After this single second, the mask is back on and the expression on his face is as restrained as ever. He silences the feelings running through his eyes. But not before she has seen them.

**"I love the way you hear the words unspoken, it's like you read between the minds."**

He knows she saw it. That's why she turned her head away as soon as he concealed his feelings again. That's why the corner of her eyes is wandering in his direction right now, while the preacher is talking about her sharing her life with the man in front of her. Somehow she knows what he's thinking. She knows what's going on in his mind. She always does.

**"You know before the silence has been broken."**

She can always read his eyes, understand him without him needing to say a word. Maybe it isn't too late, maybe there still is a chance. But Sam just stands up straighter in anticipation of the next part, the part where they'll vow to spend the rest of their lives together.

**"Well, at least most of the time."**

This time she didn't understand what's inside his eyes. Or she understood and she no longer had it in her to wait for him. She no longer had the time to wait for him to try and muster up the courage to speak up. He was the quiet man and Pete: Pete was the active man, the man that took a step, the man that got the girl. Jack was the quiet man: the man who lost it all. And actually, deep down he knew that he had nobody to blame but himself.

Before moving on to the vows the preacher said the final sentence, the sentence of awkward silence: "If any of you has reasons why these two should not be married, speak now or forever hold your peace." The sentence brought with it a wave of silence and anticipation, more than in any wedding. Some of the guests in this wedding, were waiting for someone in particular to speak up: Jack. Glances started to subtly fly in his direction. The eyes of all those who knew the two, Jack and Sam, were traveling back and forth between them. Waiting for Jack to break the silence. Sam avoids eye contact with Jack, she keeps on looking ahead. He sees her steal a glance in his direction, but as soon as she's met with his gaze she looks away and so does he.

Daniel tries to catch Jack's attention to get him to finally speak up. Jack avoids meeting with Daniel's eyes. When he tries to find a pair of eyes to settle on, a pair that wouldn't be expecting something from him, he found none. He couldn't look at Daniel, he couldn't look at Teal'c, he couldn't look at Hammond and he couldn't even look at Jacob. Was he so transparent that they could all see through him like that? Was it so obvious that everybody knew? And though he knows that Sam was the last person he should look at right now and against his better judgment, he looks at her again, only to catch her looking at him, too. And for another second they hold each other's eyes. And he sees the plea inside hers. This time it's her imploring him to speak now or to forever hold his peace. She was giving him one last chance. And though everything inside him was screaming at him to speak, to shout "I", no words came out of his mouth.

**"But I don't know what you're going through. It must be something I didn't say to you"**

He doesn't say to her what she wants to hear. He remains quiet. He remains quiet while the preacher continues "Do you Pete Shanahan take Samantha Carter to be your lawfully wedded wife and live together forever in the blessing of holy matrimony? Will you love, comfort, honor and keep her, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, for better or for worse for as long as you both shall live?"

"I do" Pete replies with the biggest of grins. And Sam returns the grin. She's happy. And if she had her doubts, her hopes that Jack would fight for her, that he still cared, all those were chased away after he missed up on his last chance. He has blown more chances than any one should ever get. So now, she can be sure that Pete was the one. Pete is the one who said I do. And now, after a few seconds, would be her turn.

"... in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, for better or for worse for as long as you both shall live?"

"I..." Sam starts to reply full of determination. But somehow the words hold in her throat. "I..." she tries again only to feel the panic rising in her chest. Does she? Does she really? She is promising forever here. Is she really ready to give forever... to Pete? Is she ready to make that obligation? Even if Jack isn't there for her, is she willing to vow her love to someone she is trying to convince herself with? Isn't love supposed to be the other way round? Isn't it supposed to be that you can't think of anyone else even when you know it's wrong, cause he's the one? Isn't love supposed to be like the way she's feeling towards Jack? Even if there's no Jack, why should she give herself away to someone she isn't certain she loves. Is she really willing to take that gamble? To be forever stuck with Pete?

"Sam?" Pete worriedly reminds her, bringing her back from her thoughts.

"Yes... I..." and though they'd been trying hard not to, her eyes wander in Jack's direction only to find him staring at her with all his guards down. With all the regret and pain visible in his eyes. All the pleading and hope. All the love.

**"So hear me, if you're out there. Take these words and try to understand that I want you, and I need you, to take the hand of a quiet man."**

But this time he doesn't look away. He doesn't hide his feelings, he leaves them exposed. He's telling her that he's in. That he's there. That even though he knows he's late, he hopes he's got a chance. He moves to the edge of the chair, signaling being in the ready position.

"Sam?" Pete repeats.

"I... I..." her eyes drift between Jack and Pete and for the first time this evening, Pete notices it. "I d... no I'm sorry. I don..." A loud thump interrupts her before she finished her sentence.

Jacob falls to the ground. "Jacob!" Hammond and several others shout in Jacob's direction. "Dad!" Sam runs towards him followed by Pete. Jack is already at Jacob's side checking for a pulse. He feels Sam kneel down beside to check on her father. He can hear Daniel call an ambulance somewhere in the background and Hammond calling the base. There's so much going on around him. So much going through his mind. But somehow all he can focus on right now is Jacob and of course Sam. He risks one look into Sam's eye and tries to read between all the worry and fear for her father, he needs to find some reassurance. He knows he's selfish and he has to wait, but he just had to find something there. To his comfort he found it; there between all the panic and worry, lay a tiny bit of relief, relief that he was by her side. A tiny beacon of hope. A promise.

So? What do you think? I know, I know, I went all cliffhanger-y on you but can you blame me? hehe =D


	4. Father Knows Best

**A/N: **Hey there… miss me? Here's the conclusion.. I know I left you hanging mid air last chapter but I hope you don't hate me hehe =D

This chapter is almost an exact rededication of a certain part from Threads (Season 8) I'm sure you'll figure out exactly which one but I can't tell you now as to not give up the chapter hehe… I didn it anyway but with more detail and to throw in the parts, I wanted there… hehe… So let me know what you think and please don't hate me for what I'm about to do….

And thank you… thank you… thank you… for all the constant support, reviews, PMs and alerts… you guys really make my day and I do this for you… =D

Enjoy =D

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><p><strong>Chapter 4:<strong> Father Knows Best

**Song:** Remember Me by Journey (from Armageddon… one of the most amazing movies of all times =D)

**Song Link:** www(dot)youtube(dot)com/watch?v=6dGEadbbxyw

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><p><strong>Find myself all alone in darkness without you<strong>

Jacob wakes up to familiar surroundings, yet he can't really recognize where he is. He feels he's slipping away inside his own body. Then he remembers, or rather Selmak reminds him: they're dying. Both of them. He'd held on to Selmak for longer than he was supposed to and now he was fading with him. He feels a wave of darkness overcome him. Selmak is barely there. Without Selmak inside, it's so empty in there, so dark. He suddenly feels so lonely. He had forgotten how it felt like to be inside his body without Selmak there. And now Selmak is almost gone, he's taking his last breaths and he'll soon follow. And from the hollowness he's feeling without Selmak in there he's grateful, too. But he suddenly feels a pinch in his heart. Sam. His daughter. What will become of her. He's leaving her behind. Will she forgive him? Could she understand? He hadn't been being selfish, had he? He had held on this long, because of some Tok'ra matters, but also because of her wedding. Her wedding. Suddenly another wave of sadness fills his heart. Her wedding. It had been a disaster. If it weren't for his collapse, it would have even been a bigger one. He needs to set things right, to speak his mind, to guide her one final time so he could rest in peace next to his now deceased companion. Yes, Selmak is already dead. Which means we is running out of time. The clock is ticking and he needs to save Sam before it is too late.

**Now, I can't turn away from what I must do**

Jacob has just finished explaining that he's dying. He explained the situation to his daughter, tried to give her time to process.

He tried to help her understand why there's no way back for him, why he can't use the sarcophagus and why he held on to Selmak for as long as he did. And he silently prays that she understands. He prays that she doesn't hate him. He did it for her, for her friends, for their planet.

**You know I'd give my life for you more than words can say **

He needed the intelligence they gained during the extra days he held onto Selmak. Their alliance and everything they fought for needed it. He could have chosen to allow Selmak to die earlier and save his life in the process but he couldn't; if not for the sake of all Tok'ra, humans and Tau'ri out there, then for the sake of his daughter. He had to make sure she had everything she needed. And she needed this intelligence, it was crucial for defeating the Goa'uld and for Earth's safety. He had literary given his life for his daughter, though he hadn't told her that and he never would. It was simply what he had to do. And he'd gladly do it again. Now all that was left for him to tell her was so simple and yet it was going to be so hard, because he knew his daughter and she wasn't one to open up about her emotions to anyone, even if it was her dying father.

He decides to take the direct simple way. No dancing around the bush. He tells her he's saved her wedding. She looks at him, confusion filling her eyes. She's taken the bait, so he can be sure to continue uninterrupted for a few minutes. He explains, how everyone knows that she's not meant for Pete, everyone had known for quite some time, but she had been the only one not seeing it, and according to what he caught before he ever so graciously wrecked her marriage, told him that finally she saw it too. He tells her that he thus saved her the trouble of having to be a runaway bride and that he bought her sometime to handle the situation and fix it, without it turning into a full blown scandal.

She starts to interrupt but he just places a finger on her lips. He tells her he's known real love and it's sufficed him for as long as he'd lived. He knows a thing or two about love and a bride, whose eyes keep on wandering in the direction of another man during her own wedding, isn't in love with her fiancé but with that other man.

**I've shown you how to love someone, I know you'll find a way**

He explains, he's told her all he wanted to say and that she's a smart kid, the smartest in two galaxies and that she knows what she should do now. He's told her all he has, the knowledge of his lifetime and of Selmak's lifetime, together they constitute almost a millennium and there had to lay some wisdom in all these years. they both knew a thing or two about love and he knows she knows it, too, she just didn't know it, or didn't wanna know it until now. But now he told her, now she will find a way to make the right thing.

She just looks at him in amazement. She hadn't expected this kind of openness from her father. He'd never been one to talk so directly and they had never had this kind of relationship; Selmak really had changed him. She misses Selmak already and it makes her realize just how much she'll miss her father. Then she becomes aware of something else: if he's talking to her like that- all open and to the point- then it mean he knows he's running out of time and he wants to make sure he's put her on the right track. This realization makes her heart ache even more than it had been this entire day.

**When I start to cry, you kiss my eyes and say I'm not allowed to**

He can see a single tear lingering in her eye, threatening to fall. Before it does, he pulls her close to him an plants a kiss on her eye and tells her she's not allowed to cry. He's lived a full life, gotten the time to really get to know his daughter and he's been on the craziest wildest adventure any man could have. He has no regrets.

**Say goodbye, close your eyes, Remember me**

**Walk away, the sun remains, Remember me**

**I'll live on somewhere in your heart**

**You must believe, remember me**

**And though, I have to leave you now, I am with you forever**

**I'll live on somewhere in your heart, you must believe, remember me**

**Be there to watch over you**

It is time to say goodbye. He is slipping away. He asks her to close her eyes, so he could kiss them one last time before they say their final goodbyes. He reminds her of what he told her. He asks her not to settle and to pursue real happiness. He looks in the direction of Jack who's watching them from the observation room and tells her that this is where true happiness lies, in case she'd been still wondering. She should remember him but she should also move on. She shouldn't stay sad for too long. She should try to move on. She shouldn't push people away, allow her friends to comfort her from time to time and allow herself to truly open up and be vulnerable to only those who deserve it. He's found that with her mother and if he's not mistaken she has already found most of that with the man watching her with loving eyes through the glass. She shouldn't lose hope, as he'll always be there for her one way or another, they already know of at least a couple of ways and there are probably a dozen more. She should have faith, that she'll find him within her, forever. This isn't the end for them. He'll always return to her and he'll love her till the end of times, but for now he has to say goodbye. She has to promise him she will remember what he told her, that she'll listen.

She does.

He gives Jack a look that says it all, a look that's asking him to take care of his daughter for him, to fight for her, to treat her the way she deserves and to be everything he knows he already is for her. Jack nods reassuringly.

And with that Jacob slips away into the darkness with a smile of satisfaction on his lips and peacefulness drawn over his features.

His mission here is done.

His baby girl is safe.

So he thinks.

**Remember me**

**Feel I'm gone, my heart lives on**

**Remember me**

**Don't you think of this as the end**

**I'll come into your dreams, remember me**

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><p><strong>AN:** So? Figured out which part it was, of course… but just in case, it plays on the conversation Jacob really had with Sam, where he was subtly suggestive… and I used the real reason he died, only in a slightly different timeline… So? What do you think? Please don't hate me for killing Jacob, but he really died in the series, so I thought it was more plausible… Please, let me know what you think… =D


	5. Mama's Arms

**A/N:** I know, I know I am a bit late, but I really couldn't get to it earlier… sorry about that…

Now there have been small hints as to how this is going to proceed, but for those who missed them, there are some less subtle hints in this chapter… a few more and I'll spill everything, but hope you won't hate me then. It's only just beginning.

Thanks for all the loyal readers. As always you are the reason I do this, and you make it worthwhile. Thank you and please stay tuned and let me know what you think =D

Here goes...

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><p><strong>Chapter 5:<strong> Mama's Arms

**Song:** Mama's Arms by Ronan Keating (bold)

first two lines of Grace by Kate Havnevik (bold, italic and between double quotes…these lines are only leading to the next chapter, so more to this song then...)

**Song Link:** www(dot)youtube(dot)com/watch?v=PfpZL1HjtvQ&feature=related

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><p>Sam finally reaches her quarters. She thought she'd never get there. The way there had been very long, longer than it had ever been. She had almost been running. She hadn't wanted to talk to anyone, hadn't wanted anyone to see her, so she had just paced towards her quarters, stopping at nothing, looking at no one and replying to no one. Her friends recognize her need for space, so they allow her to get to her room and decide to wait for her nearby, in Daniel's quarters, to be able to get to her fast whenever she needed it, not that she'll ever admit needing it. Pete doesn't think she should be left alone in a time like that, but all of SG-1 stand in his way, telling him that she needs her space, she needs time to process it. And General Hammond agrees. Samantha Carter is a woman of pride, she wouldn't want anyone to see her like this, not before she's wrapped her head around the day's events. So Pete waits with them in Daniel's quarters to everyone's dismay, though they wouldn't show it. General Hammond, excuses himself to go deal with the logistics of this whole ordeal, he tells Jack he will handle it for him, as he knows Jack probably has other things on his mind. But in reality he too needed a moment or two to regain his composure. He's just lost one of his oldest friends.<p>

As soon as Sam walks inside, she locks the door behind her but doesn't turn on the lights. She lingers in the darkness. She doesn't want to see the shadow that had been haunting her all the way from the infirmary to her quarters. She's scared. She doesn't know of what exactly but she knows she is; she feels it in her heart. Her head? Her head has bigger fish to fry and it doesn't know where to begin. This was all too much; too much for one day.

_**"I'm on my knees, only memories are left for me to hold"**_

Suddenly she feels the weight of the day sink in on her shoulder and she's weak on her feet. Her legs fail her and she feels her knees hit the cold hard concrete. She's thankful for the fall and the pain it causes, but it is far from enough to mask the pain she feels in her heart. One particular pain , suddenly fights it's way to the surface and stands out from the rest: her dad. Her dad is dead. Gone!

For the first time in a very long time she longs for her mother. Her comforting embrace. She suddenly remembers the last time she felt a similar kind of pain and grief: her mother's death. Another wave of hurt pierces through her heart. She misses her mother so much. She hadn't even had the time to think about it for so long. And now her dad is gone and her mother isn't there to comfort her. She longs for her arms, her hug. Memories of that unfortunate day play in her mind.

**Going back to a tender age, so full of confusion and rage, Daddy says, "Kids, your Mama's gone.".**

**There's a hand on your shoulder as you're throwing dirt, someone says, "Time heals the hurt. Little girl, you got to keep on keepin' on," but all you want is Mama's arms.**

But time didn't heal a thing. Time just pushes memories deep down, but they wait till you aren't paying enough attention and creep on you from behind and eat you up alive. She wants her mama's arms. She wants her daddy. She feels like a little vulnerable kid, who's alone in the world.

**You ride back home in a limousine, the saddest car that you've ever seen, your brother cannot look you in the eye.**

Her brother! Mark! Where was Mark? She hadn't seen him since they left the ambulance. He probably hadn't been cleared to get in and they'd forgotten about it through the hassle of it all. She needs to check up on him but right now she can't.

**Lightning strikes, thunder roars, an early winter in that heart of yours,**

Right now her thunder is roaring through her head , her heart feels like it's being ripped apart by lightning and she feels the darkness engulf her a bit more. This feels just like it did back then. And just like back then she can't bear the thought of all the people waiting out there for her, worried about her, wanting to comfort her.

**But you swear you won't let them see you cry!**

**Cause all you want is Mama's arms.**

**The neighbors come and bring you pies, endless words and futile sighs, and you run up to your room and lock the door.**

**And there you are in your Sunday best, the way your Mama would have had you dressed and you realize it doesn't matter anymore!**

**Cause all you want is Mama's arms.**

She can't let them see her cry. She can't face them, she doesn't want to. It won't make a difference. It hadn't back then and it won't now. All their comfort, all the food, all the 'keeping the traditions alive' it does nothing but deepen the pain. It doesn't bring them back.

**'Round and 'round and 'round it goes. The seasons change the young girl grows to understand it's all part of some plan.**

It's the same old story. She's only older now. She needs to face up to the situation, get a grip and do what needs to be done. She knows she has to. But she just can't. She still can't stand up, her head still can't deal with anything that's been thrown at it. So instead it's digging up old memories and she can't seem to shake them off. Instead of focusing on the recent pain of losing her father she's dwelling on the old scar of her mother's death.

**You used to wonder what it's all about. Now those are questions you can do without.**

And after all these years, after all she's learned, the mysteries of the universe she's uncovered, she still can't find the answer to this simple question. Why? And somehow, she doesn't want to know. She just wants to never feel this way again; Ever. She won't be able to handle it once more. She's not even sure she'll be able to handle it this time.

**You laugh them off and do the best you can. But all you want is Mama's arms.**

Then the rest of her problems hit her. The things she really needs to face and the things she really needs to handle. The realization alone, causes her to scoff loudly to the emptiness of her room. She's got a brother who's disappeared, who she needs to tell that they've lost yet another 's got a fiancé waiting somewhere, who she probably needs to tell he's not her fiancé anymore. She just needs to figure out if that's really what she wants to do. But then again after what had happened at the wedding and what her dad had told her, made her promise, before he died, kind of settles this matter. Which brings her to her third problem: She's got a guy out there, that the whole world knows she loves and that probably loves her too. She needs to figure out what to do about him, about them, the regulations. She needs to figure out how to talk to him. He needs to be the one to open up and make the first move. He needs to show her he loves her, but hasn't he already? She's also got to figure out what to do about him and the rest of her friends who are worried about her. She'll have to face them soon. Then there is this minor problem of possible mental illness that she's been avoiding for some time now. The figure looking back at her through the darkness of her room right now, proves as much. Cause this figure, the same from the wedding and the corridor and-now she senses-also from the nightmares, can't possibly be there. So yeah, after dealing with all her problems, she'll probably have to get herself checked, but this isn't something that her conscious mind realizes, though the realization of it is lingering there somewhere in her subconscious.

_**"Don't know how but I'll get by, slowly pull myself together."**_

She feels so overwhelmed by thoughts and problems that she can't handle being inside her own body any more. She can't remain in this darkness and she can't remain with her thoughts. She has to get out, to escape, because she doesn't want to deal with any of her problems. Right now she doesn't even know how.

She just knows that it'll have to pass someday. Doesn't it? She just knows that she needs to get out there, at least do the things that need to be immediately done, the rest she'll figure out later, when she's not feeling like that.

She runs out of her room, she needs some air, some light.

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><p><strong>AN:** So? What do you think? I really want to know… so press the cute little button down there and let me know what's on your mind =D Thank you… Any suggestions, requests and comments are more than welcome, please =D


	6. Grief…

**A/N:** OK, so I know I'm spoiling you with such a fast update, but with the way you are spoiling me and making me feel, you deserve more… so I decided to post this chapter, earlier to show you how grateful I am. It was a long one, so I decided to split it into two parts as it was more fitting… Part 2 will soon follow, and both of them share the same song =D

Sooooo… let me know what you think…

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><p><strong>Chapter 6:<strong> Grief...

**Song:** Grace by Kate Havnevik

**Song Link:** www(dot)youtube(dot)com/watch?v=CVrYPrpnq48

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><p>As soon as she leaves the room, she's intercepted by the whole gang waiting for her: Jack, Daniel, Teal'c, Pete and by then, they had somehow gotten hold of Mark and allowed him clearance, so he was there, too, in the corridor, in her way.<p>

**There's no escape. **

They all look at her with anticipating eyes, each pair holding a different concern, a different request.

One pair stands out though, a hurt one, one that has issues other than Jacob's death pressing on his heart, Pete's eyes. Eyes demanding an answer, an explanation. Eyes, that know it's not the right time, but can't wait anyway. Eyes that needs to know.

There's another pair of eyes with questions, that also needs to know but unlike Pete's eyes, these eyes hold hope, a shadow of optimism, while Pete's eyes, they hold desperation and defeat.

Each set of eyes somehow already knows its fate, but needs to hear it out loud, anyway. The hopeful one though respects that it's not the right time. It's not the right time for him as well. He needs to give her and himself some time. After all it is Jacob they'd just lost; her father and a role model and dear friend to him. So this has to wait, they need for it to wait. Now all he has to do is be there for Sam and work through the pain with her. This stands out from his eyes. Yes, Jack O'Neil is a man of little words but a man with eyes so powerful that he can tell you exactly what he wants to say, just by looking at you, and right now he is looking at Sam. And she is looking back at him instead of meeting Pete's questioning eyes.

Mark's eyes are full of sorrow, confusion and some unmistakable anger. He needs some answers. He knows something is totally off here and he needs to know exactly what had happened to his father and where the hell his sister works; there's no deep space radar telemetry 28 stories underground. There's only dirt and darkness.

Daniel and Teal'c's eyes show the same worry for Sam as Jack's but without the extra feelings lingering there. They are both just standing there, giving her space but at the same time signaling their presence whenever she needed them. They are grieving for their sister's pain but also for the loss of a dear friend.

Hammond's eyes, who'd just arrived, are showing clear signs of pain and tiredness. He looks like he's had a few tough phone calls behind him and he knows he now has a tougher task: explain the situation to Mark as honestly as his clearance allows, which means not much honesty at all. Then he needs to take care of Sam. He knows she'll never allow him to do so and he knows he'll have to fight her. He made a dying man a promise and he has to do it as much for himself as for Jacob. Samantha Carter is for the biggest part his daughter, too.

The two sets of eyes that know her least-though it wasn't really their fault-start to hog her: Both Mark and Pete call her name, they both need to talk to her. She just looks back and forth between them and in between sends looks to her team-her family-asking them to help her out.

**So keep me safe.**

Hammond decides it is best he goes first. He explains to Mark that his father suffered from multiple organ failure and that it was expected due to his cancer: the cancer that had returned a few months ago, though he told no one as to not worry them and ruin Sam's wedding. As soon as the last words leave Hammond's mouth he realizes how wrong they were. At the mention of the wedding and the word ruin, everyone tenses visibly, Pete and Sam more so. Hammond decides to cut the losses as much as he can and leaves. He's done enough already. Pete has clearly had enough and he requests answers, openly and in the middle of the corridor. He asks, borderline orders, Sam to discuss things with him. Sam just stutters and another wave of claustrophobia, accompanied by a severe headache, overcomes her. She's not ready to do this not right now.

Jack notices her flushed face and so does the rest of SG-1. He asks Pete to give her some space. She needs time to process it all. At that Pete starts to yell that they'd been saying this all afternoon and that it was actually none of Jack's business. That's when Jack loses it. He tells Pete, in a less than friendly and very much threatening tone, that maybe they've been telling him this all day because that's what she really needs. Her father just died, for crying out loud, and all he can think of is what he wants to talk to her about. And it's very much his business as he's her commanding officer and this is an air force base, his base, so he pretty much had all the say in the matter. Then he asks Pete to leave on his own accord, so that he doesn't have to call some SFs to accompany him to the surface. Sam will call him when she's ready.

**This feels so unreal. **

Sam can't believe what just happened. Did this really happen? Did the man she probably loves, threaten the man she was supposed to have married, for her sake? All this because he hadn't been considerate that her father had just died. And did her father just die? She feels like she's in a big joke of a dream; a nightmare. But at the same time Sam is more grateful for Jack than she can explain. True, Jack shouldn't have acted this way and true Pete had every right to require answers and to be less than friendly but she's just grateful, she doesn't have to deal with this now on top of it all.

Daniel, who is a bit surprised by Jack's unrestrained attitude, tries to calm him down, though deep down he's grateful for Jack's lash out.

Mark who'd watched the whole scene play without saying a word, finally understands what's been going on, for the first time this day. The man standing in front of him, the CO, cared about his sister. And somehow he had the reassurance that she cared about him too, or else he wouldn't have acted this way.

And Pete? Pete has been changed out. He doesn't know how exactly he should feel about that. He turns to start talking to Sam, feels Jack's eyes on him and sees the reluctance in Sam's eyes and decides this too is probably better left for a later time. They have other issues at hand. He tells Sam he knows she probably needs some rest, he knows he does. He'll leave her to it and will call her later at night to decide what they'll do with the body and the likes. She thanks him for understanding and makes sure he's ok. He kisses her forehead and turns to try and find his way out of this underground facility.

As soon as Mark is out of sight, they all feel a tiny bit of relief fall over them. After all they are a family together. And they know how to at least attempt and handle the situations that life throws at them. They silently move into Daniel's quarters. They know each other as much. They know she wouldn't want to go back to her quarters and they know she would want to be somewhere where they could have their privacy.

**Nothing comes easily, fill this empty space **

After Jack closes the door behind them, he turns to Sam and silently invites her into his arms in a comforting embrace. He should be hesitant given that they aren't alone and that this is inappropriate but he isn't, not the tiniest bit: he is with friends and Sam is in dire need of comfort, that's all that matters to him. And he knows Daniel and Teal'c understand. They always do.

They both silently slip away from the room as Sam instantly accepts the invitation. They know Jack can handle this best and give these two their privacy. As soon as she rests her head on his chest and surrenders her body to his hold, she feels mountains lift off of her. The hollowness she had been feeling inside is temporarily filled. All the fear she'd been feeling is instantly chased away. All the pain subdued. All the guilt and regret suppressed. For a single moment, while being held protectively in Jack's arms, she feels all her problems disappear. For the first time in almost a month, she feels safe. She hadn't felt safe since the day the nightmares had started. If only she'd known all she needed was Jack's arms. But somehow deep down she'd always known. They'd both known. They just couldn't.

**Nothing is like it seems, turn my grief to grace **

Jack could feel the tension in her body ease a little as soon as he closes his arms around her. She really needed this. She'd been trying to put up a wall, she always have. She's always proving to everyone how strong she is, how little help she needs. But it isn't as it seemed, he knows better. She knows it too. She did that, because the only comfort she really needed was his, and his was the hardest to get; the most complicated. He couldn't always give her what she needed, what he wanted to give her. There are regulations. But sometimes he did, despite it all. And today, he decided he'd do it forevermore, no matter what the cost. Because the sound of her stifled sobs against his chest breaks his heart. And the way her breathing evens out after he caresses her hair and whispers softly into her ears, tells him all he really needs to know: He's helped her out a bit. And in a weird way she helped him too. They were all each other needed all along. And though he knows better, he can't help but whisper in her ear, that he'll always be there for her, no matter what. His heart stops beating for a few seconds after the words leave his mouth. This isn't the time, she doesn't need this, him, on top of all. But as always she brings the air back to his lungs and lightens up his heart, by replying that she's glad he is, because he's the only one who can turn her grief to grace.

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><p><strong>AN: ** What do you think? I thought I'd add in some minor fluff at the end… you might try to enjoy it while you have it hehe… And hope you don't feel it's OOC, but I honestly think this is how Jack and Pete would have respectively reacted in this situation… What do you think?


	7. …Turned To Grace

**A/N: **As promised the counterpart for chapter 6. Your traditional H/C scenario… with some Jack/Sam fluffiness and some more hints… This is the second last chapter in Part I haha… I can't wait to hear your impressions about the next Part… and this one too of course...

Again… thank you all for the support and for your highly valued opinions =D

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><p><strong>Chapter 7:<strong> … Turned To Grace

**Song:** Grace by Kate Havnevik

**Song Link:** www(dot)youtube(dot)com/watch?v=CVrYPrpnq48

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><p>Sam had fallen asleep in the car on the way to her home so Jack slowly carries her to her room and lays her down on her bed to sleep away some of the day's pain and exhaustion.<p>

He is about to turn around and leave her to sleep peacefully, when he remembers the thing she said about nightmares. He decides it's better if he remained by her side. After the day she'd had, she'd probably need it. Daniel and Teal'c agree. They make themselves comfortable in the guest rooms. They'll keep watch in shifts. But little do they know that Jack will not wake them up. He's taking all the shifts.

As he sits down on the chair the whole day's events really hit him. The day! Oh, he can't believe what has happened; All of it. The wedding, the "I don't.", the way everyone was watching him during the wedding, the way she was watching him, what he'd silently asked her to do. Did he have the right? And Kerry! Where is Kerry? He hadn't payed attention to her since this morning and he had no idea where she was. He'd need to handle things with her soon, even if she'd probably already guessed it; but not now. Now he needs to think this day through.

Suddenly he realizes how long the day feelt. It feels like a lifetime. Life! Jacob is dead. He died.

And what had he told him before he died? Did this really happen? Did Jacob ask him to take care of his daughter and to cherish her till the day he died, as he knew he wanted to. Did Jacob really openly tell him to either do the right thing, if he was really sure of his feelings and to let nothing stand in the way of their happiness, or to forever walk away from her life. Did he then threaten him, to haunt him down from the afterlife and kill him with his bare hands, if he ever hurt her? Did Jack really promise him that he never would and that he'd keep her safe and loved till his dying breath? Did he then ask for Jacob's approval to do so, which he was given? Does this mean he's asked her father for her hand on his deathbed, upon her father's own 'request' and get the approval? When did all this happen?

Then he remembers the 'small' encounter with Pete in the corridor. Did he have the right to do that, too? He probably didn't but he couldn't just watch by as she was being slowly tortured by her own guilt. She too will have to handle it with Pete soon, but not now.

And then the big one! They had to handle it with each other. They had to talk it through. Yes, they had some sort of silent agreement. They've always had, but this? This has to be discussed and stated openly: No mind-reading, no implying. This needs to be settled once and for all.

Though he knows he needs to be the one to open up, to speak his heart-after all he owed her at least this much-he still couldn't be the one to start this conversation. For two reasons: He needs to give her time to be ready. He can't push her into talking and he needs to give her space. She is dealing with bigger things. And she still needs to handle things with Pete. She needs to be the one to end her engagement, he can't do any more in this direction-though he hadn't really done much-but he couldn't tell her anything before she's officially ended it with Pete.

He is interrupted from his stream of thoughts, by a struggling Carter, turning restlessly in her bed, as though fighting for her life.

He instantly gets off the chair and moves closer to her bed, but doesn't touch her yet. Maybe this will pass on its own. She starts to scream out in agony. Pained shrieks, he'd only heard escape her mouth when she was being tortured by the harshest of means. She is suffering. He starts to slowly call her name , to try and wake her up without exacerbating her further. Nothing! He tries again, only louder. Still nothing. He puts one hand on her shoulder and starts to squeeze it gently, but the pained convulsions don't stop. He lifts her upper body off the bed and starts to gently shake her body while calling her name.

**I feel the cold loneliness unfold like from another world **

After a few tries Sam wakes up and becomes even more terrified, unaware of her surroundings. She feels a wave of coldness overcome her, causing her whole body to shiver and gives her goosebumps. She isn't aware of Jack's presence, and feels the dark loneliness eating her up, only adding to her panic. She doesn't know where she is, only that she has to get out.

Jack starts to calm her down, telling her that it's ok, it was just a bad dream, it is over now, he's here, he's got her.

This seems to bring her back to earth and she instantly throws herself into his open arms, where he only pulls her closer and tries to cover her up as much as he can. She's clinging tightly onto him and so he realizes just how scared she must be. He starts to repeat the same gesture from before: caressing her hair, while whispering gently into her ear. He suddenly feels himself kissing her head. It's a light kiss, but the taste of her blonde silky hair with strawberry shampoo, makes his heart melt. She lets out a sigh of content at the meeting of his lips with her hair. He's just chased her monsters away.

**Come what may, I wont fade away but I know I might change **

For the first time, this day she feels some hope. She would make it through, just like she always did, but this time she could tell, that she wouldn't have to do it alone. No matter what happens, she'll have him, just as he'd promised. And this time she feels, she'll have him for good, whenever she says the word. True somethings have changed today. Many things! But she'll make it through and she'll survive it. She had given up on feeling safe after one of these nightmares, but Jack has just proven that he can keep her safe, he can calm her down. Maybe she isn't losing her mind after all, maybe that's what these nightmares were: only nightmares.

**Nothing comes easily, fill this empty space **

**Nothing is like it was, turn my grief to grace **

He feels her calm down considerably but doesn't let go of her, yet. He holds onto her a bit longer, and she doesn't fight it. He needs this hug as much as she does. He needs to feel her close to him, feel her warmness against his body. He just couldn't restrain himself anymore, not this time. Holding her is the only thing that makes him feel complete, that numbs the dull pain that's residing in the back of his heart. He needs her to fill the void. And this time, he doesn't have it in him to deny himself this relief. This time is different. This time he is allowing himself the pleasure. She is turning his constant grief to grace, without even knowing it. And he is doing the same thing to her. They need each other.

**Nothing comes easily! Where do I begin? **

Sam suddenly becomes aware of the situation they**'**re in. She remembers the events of the day. She remembers the mess. But she doesn't keep it to herself. She decides to take the first step and break the silence. They need to talk, even if not about them, they needed to talk to each other. She tells him that it's a mess. He agrees, without letting her go. For this she's grateful. She can't wrap her head around it all, it's so much. She feels overwhelmed. He cannot only hear it, he senses it from her body, too. He just tells her that they'll need to cross one bridge at a time. Then he adds a low but powerful 'together' at the end of the sentence. There! He's given her a sign; another one. He's shown her that he's in, and that all she has to do was tell him whenever she is ready. He isn't going anywhere.

**Nothing can bring me peace, I've lost everything. I just want to feel your embrace.**

She tightens her grip around him. She can't help but feel guilty though. She is still official with Pete, so she was technically and effectively cheating this time. But somehow she can't fight it. Her head is restless, with images of events she can't remember, her heart is filled with numbing pain, her whole body is aching from the grief she's feeling. She's lost her father today, she's lost a lot more than that as well, so somehow, right this instant she can't fight the temptation of allowing herself some reprieve in Jack's arms. She just needs to drown inside this embrace and allow him to try and take her pain away, relieving some of his in the process.

The irony of the situation isn't missed out on Jack. He know's he's hugging another man's fiancee. He knows what had been a debatable discretion last night, is now an official one. He's cheating. They're both cheating and they're doing nothing about it. He is technically still with Kerry and she is still with Pete.

He starts to talk, to tell her that they're doing something wrong. She knows. They need to end it. He wonders if she means with them or with the others and she just looks at him. She means with the others. She made her dad a promise. He looks at her with confusion and then simply states that he did too. She doesn't understand but when he grins back at her, she smiles at the trick her father has played on both of them. A silent tear falls down her cheek as she realizes just how much he loved her and how he probably saved her live. She misses him so much. The pain is unbearable. Jack tells her that they don't have to deal with this now, if she doesn't want to. This can wait. He's going nowhere.

**I love you.**

At this she looks deeply into his eyes behind the tears swimming in hers. And with all the sincerity there is, through some rapidly escaping tears, she starts to tell him this sacred three worded sentence. But he stops her. He doesn't want this to come out in a moment like this, not after all these years. They need it to be special. They need it to be pure and untainted by other emotions. And most importantly he doesn't want to be cheating. This is too sacred to be said in a moment like this. She agrees, and once again Jack O'Neill takes her breath away. Tomorrow they have a lot to deal with. But tonight they can rest and enjoy the reprieve found in each other's company.

He climbs into the bed and wraps his arms around her as they lay in bed.

They're cheating, but tonight they don't really care. He is just comforting a friend. And the rest of the team is outside. Today, he allows himself to fall for these tricks and to believe his own lies, because he just doesn't want to go. And she doesn't want him to go either, from the way she's nestled in his arms.

And for the first time in a whole month, she falls back to sleep and remains so for the remainder of the night. She remains in a dreamless, peaceful slumber, protected by the arms of the man she really loves.

But the morning comes all too soon.

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><p><strong>AN: **So? What do you think? Hope you don't feel I resolved their relationship issues too fast… but I think the way these two have been dancing around it, the time they actually decide to open up to their relationship, would be as easy as I did here… mutual agreement with both being sure that this is what the other wants...


	8. Apologies

**A/N:** I know, I know….I haven't posted in a long time and I kept you have kept you hanging… And I apologize… And to show that I really mean it, I'm going to post this chapter and also the next one which will be the beginning of Part II. And also cause I know that this chapter is really short but it had to be there to conclude the first Part you know… See? I think that's make up enough… or hope at least… So without further ado…

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><p><strong>Chapter 8: <strong>Apologies

**Song:** Apologies by Jack Savoretti

**Song Link: **http:/www(dot)youtube(dot)com/watch?v=cBe7WYuX5d0

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><p><span><strong>"Well it's too late for apologies, my dear. I've been living in your imagery of fear and all that I could see was everything you need and, oh my darling, it ain't me.<strong>

**So I guess that's why I've gone and hit the road. Well I bet you thought I would never really go but I had to leave cause all you thought I believe, oh my darling, wasn't me.**

**Oh I've been looking to the answers to your question and I've been living like a beggar begging you please. How did I set free the man that you made me, oh my darling, you tell me, you tell me cause it's too late for apologies, my dear.**

**Pete"**

Sam gasps in pain, as she reads the letter Daniel has handed her, soon as she entered her living room in the morning. Jack was already gone when she woke up, but left a note that he'd soon be back to do this the right way, without restraints. Daniel asks Sam if she's ok and she just gives him the letter. She'd hurt Pete, she knows it and she hates herself for it. It was the right thing to do but she just did it too late. Daniel agrees, but thinks that it's better late than never, he's glad she and Jack finally saw the light, he's just sorry they had to find it the hard way. She is, too.

Jack's all cheery when he enters the living room from the back door, he's smelling coffee. But he soon senses the tension in the air and takes the paper in Daniel's hand at the request of Sam's eyes. He frowns. They've really hurt this guy. Yes THEY! He contributed to this as well, more than he liked to admit, so yeah he frowned. Sam just nods in agreement to his frown and asks him how things went on his end. Surprisingly Kerry took it pretty well. She had expected it of course and she had wondered what had been keeping them from being together all this time, while it was so obvious, he didn't have to explain, she guessed the twisted reason herself. He tells Sam that it went more than well. Better than this, he adds while lifting the broken letter in his hand. She just frowns at the ground. Daniel tries to lighten the mood by asking if anyone wants some french toast with the coffee, while handing Jack a cup of steaming coffee to match Sam's. Teal'c emerges from the guest room at that, after having taken a shower. He senses the tension in the room, but decides against saying anything, he knows better.

The breakfast plays out without events. The whole team eats in silence bracing themselves for the starting day. The day of the funeral. Everything else seems minor at the moment. Jack and Sam can't bring themselves to think about their new situation because they are thinking about the day, preparing themselves. Sam is trying to calm herself down. She focuses on the food on her plate and avoids eye contact with anyone. She needs to build her wall back up. She won't survive the funeral otherwise. And due to their unique situation they have two funerals to attend: one for General Jacob Carter, retired Air Force General. And the other for Selmak and Jacob Carter, the link between the Tok'ra and Tau'ri alliance. Yes, it is going to be a tough day. Jack is also preparing himself. He has to be there for Sam, he has to take care of her today more than ever. He has a pretty good idea what she's going through and he knows the other events of the past few days are adding up to her tension and pain. So he has to do all the right things at the right times. He isn't going to mess this up.

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><p><strong>AN: **So? Excited about what's going to happen next? The next chapter is the beginning of letting you in on what I have planned for you… but not quite hehe…. Let me know what you think of Part I though….


	9. Away From The Sun

**A/N: **So this is a new emotions set… Meaning the song choice will be entirely different… the style will also vary and the story will head in a different direction. As I said, I'm trying to experiment with different things and want to mix in all the styles and colors so to say… hopefully I'll succeed… even a bit… but from the encouragement I got for the first part, I'm more than optimistic and willing to improve myself… So at the turning of tides, I'd like to take the chance to thank all my faithful and encouraging readers, for all the alerts, reviews and PMs… thanks and you are the reason I do this… THANK YOU… and hope you bare with me… =D

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><p><strong>Part Two<strong>

**Emotion Set:** _Fear, Terror, Pain, Insanity, Hopelessness, Darkness, Succumbing_

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><p><strong>Chapter 9: <strong>Away From The Sun

**Song: **Away From The Sun by 3 Doors Down

**Song Link: **.com/watch?v=DDK5qGlLT8s&ob=av2e (Ok so I just watched the music video for the first time and I realized how depressing it actually is… but lucky for you I hadn't watched it before I wrote this, so yeah… it's not as gleamy, as I would have written had I seen the video… but all in due time… gleamy is up ahead anyway)

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><p>The Tok'ra just left through the stargate and the memorial services are officially behind them.<p>

**It's down to this, I've got to make this life make sense.**

Sam is looking around her in confusion. She doesn't know where she is. Her mind is snapping in and out of awareness. One second she knows that she's in the gate room, having just greeted the Tok'ra that had come to pay their respects to her deceased dad and the other she feels lost in the vacuum, nothing going through her mind and none of her senses registering anything but the emptiness inside her. The next second she's back in the gate room but with the familiar shadow closing in on her. It's moving closer to towards her. She starts to scream, to try and run away from it, she's pleading for help but no one does anything to help her, no one stops the creature.

Daniel is the first to notice Sam's odd behavior. She seems confused and off. He talks to her and she doesn't seem to be really hearing him. Jack got concerned so he joins Daniel in trying to arouse her attention, but equally fails. Teal'c has also joined them in this endeavor but she simply doesn't seem to be registering them.

When she starts to scream Jack immediately has his arms around her and tries to shake her out of her state. He firmly shakes her body but she just continues on screaming for help, she wants them to save her and she looks scared to death; neither of them could think of a reason why.

So Teal'c calls for a medical team while Jack tries his best to calm her down. He calls for her, he touches her, he does everything in his power but she just becomes more aggravated and slips further away.

She's borderline hysteric now. Daniel can't bare to watch, Teal'c has a pained frown on his face and Jack is holding onto her for dear life, he isn't used to seeing her like this and he isn't liking it.

**Can anyone tell what I've done?**

The doctor arrives and decides to give her a sedative in order to get her to the infirmary in fear that she might harm herself or others; and by the looks of her the doctors fears are more than justified. She's kicking and screaming, hitting anything that comes near her. It takes two nurses alongside with Jack and Teal'c to restrain her in order for the doctor to be able to give her the shot. Jack just clenches his fist in pain as he watches the sedative take over her and the last thing he sees is the helpless terrified look on her face as darkness overcomes her. She doesn't know why they're doing this to her and she doesn't know what's going on.

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><p><span><strong>I missed the life, I missed the colors of the world.<strong>

**Can anyone tell where I am?**

Sam wakes up with a start. Jack is immediately by her side. Her eyes study her surrounding in confusion and as soon as she feels the restraints on her wrist she shoots panicked looks in his direction. All she's met with is a colorless world, an old faded movie that's playing in her mind. She can't make out the story though. She can't recognize anything. She loses track of her reality, she feels herself slipping away. She can sense his worried eyes on her, recognizing the confusion she's in, she can hear him calling out for her but somehow she's slipping away. She doesn't know where she is. She just screams and tries to fight the restrains.

**'Cause now again I've found myself so far down, away from the sun that shines into the darkest place. **

**I'm so far down, away from the sun again, away from the sun again.**

It's starting all over again. She can feel it inside her. She feels herself sink into that dark abyss of incoherence again. She can feel all her senses failing her one by one. She feels the darkness fall over her and eclipse all the light. And then this mysterious darkness is replaced by the all too familiar darkness of sedatives. She can feel the sedatives take over her body again and as much as she hates them, their induced oblivion is a reprieve from the phantom darkness that had been haunting her a second ago. She slips into unconsciousness again, leaving a worried, pleading Jack behind. He's losing her.

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><p><span><strong>I'm over this, I'm tired of living in the dark.<strong>

A few hours later, Sam finally comes to again. She calls sir in confusion. He tries to explain what had happened without losing his composure. The pained realization causes her to close her eyes and try to remember on her own accord. She has to remember.

**Can anyone see me down here?**

But as soon as she's met with the darkness in her own eyes, she feels the familiar flush of panic and loneliness wash over her. She snaps her eyes open again, she can't remain in this unseen darkness.

**The feeling's gone, there's nothing left to lift me up back into the world I've known.**

She can't remember. The knowledge is there in the back of her mind but somehow all the numbness in her heart is paralyzing her from getting back the memory of her reality. She can't get herself back out of this abyss she's in.

**'Cause now again I've found myself so far down, away from the sun that shines into the darkest place.**

Jack can sense her experiencing the same thing again. But this time he won't allow it. As soon as he notices her lost looks and her unfocused eyes, he starts to shake her and call her name. He asks her to stay with him, to not slip away. He doesn't want her to walk towards the darkness, he urges her to stay with them, to fight this.

**I'm so far down, away from the sun, that shines to light the way for me, to find my way back into the arms, that care about the ones like me.**

Jack's arms around her is what gives her a fighting chance. She still feels like she's slipping away but this time, the touch of his hand is giving her mind a push; a push to stay awake.

**I'm so far down, away from the sun again.**

**It's down to this, I've got to make this life make sense. And now I can't tell what I've done**

The nurses draw nearer with their needles ready; they want to drug her into oblivion again. She throws herself inside Jack's arms and cries for him to stop them. She doesn't want to fall into darkness again. She won't be able to face it one more time, she doesn't want to be alone inside her dreams. The panic is rising within her, she doesn't know why they're doing this, she hasn't done anything to deserve that. And when she asks him, he replies that he won't allow anyone to touch her. She hasn't done anything, it's not her fault.

**And now again I've found myself so far down, away from the sun that shines to light the way for me. **

**'Cause now again I've found myself so far down, away from the sun that shines into the darkest place.**

As soon as she relaxes inside Jack's arms, the second she lets her guard down, she feels the darkness trying to overcome her anew. She stares at him and he shows her that no one has touched her. It's all in her mind. She needs to fight this. She needs to stay with him. And he plants a kiss on her forehead and tightens his grasp around her. He's squeezing her body closely hoping that the physical contact will keep her alert and snap her out of whatever it is she is experiencing.

**I'm so far down, away from the sun, that shines to light the way for me, to find my way back into the arms, that care about the ones like me.**

And this time, it works. His firm touch, his body heat combining with hers, it is all she needed to remember. It triggers the memories dormant in the back of her mind: She is having her nightmare while being awake. She still can't remember what it is about but she knows that it's scaring the hell out of her like it always did. Her friends, urge her to try harder to remember. She searches deeper within her mind while squeezing Jack's hand with hers in the process. She feels a sudden wave of pain wash over her head. She lets out a muffled scream, causing the rest of her friends to move closer to her bed and look at her questioningly. She explains that her head is hurting more than normal and by the way her breathing unevens and the screams she's trying to keep in, they can tell that it's getting worse; much worse.

**I'm so far down, away from the sun again.**

At that she blacks out again, into a world of haunted dreams.

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><p><strong>AN: **So? You figured out where this is going? I think not but we shall see… hehe.. I'm evil, I know… but I promise, the next chapter will resolve it all, it will explain what's going on and then the journey will begin… fasten your seat belts! =D


	10. Thriller

**A/N: ** I know, I know… I'm horrible and I don't update… but believe me with what's going on at Uni you'd be surprised to know I'm still alive… to make it up to you… the chapter that resolves all the subtleness and the hints… now you'll know where the story is heading but still there are a lot of surprises along the way so… hang on =D

As always THANK YOU all very very much… And please let mse know what you think… =D

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><p><strong>Chapter 10: <strong>Thriller

**Song:** Thriller by Michael Jackson

**Song Link: **www(dot)youtube(dot)com/watch?v=ZEHsIcsjtdI

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><p>I… I remember, sir. I remember the whole dream.<p>

SAM SCREAMS IN THE DIRECTION OF HER CO THE MOMENT SHE SNAPS OUT OF HER SLEEP, BEFORE HAVING FULLY OPENED HER EYES.

It's the Asgard. They did it. They're behind all this. Well not directly but it's ultimately their fault. We need to contact them as soon as possible, before I continue on to the dream.

JACK: We've been trying to contact them for days now, with no success. They're nowhere to be found, Carter.

SAM PALES AT THAT BUT CONTINUES ON

Oh my god. Then it's already too late….A few months ago the Asgard realized they were dying out. They'd cloned their original bodies so much that they were no longer able to reproduce and their bodies lost their essence. The clones their souls inhabit were the last they could sustain. They were on the verge of extinction. They decided their legacy was too important to go to waste and they wanted to entrust it to someone who deserves it, someone from the fifth race but also someone who didn't already have another legacy within him; someone who wasn't Ancient. For that matter they chose me… upon Thor's recommendation. And without my knowing they imparted their whole knowledge, from the beginning of time, on me. Of course they did it stealthily and left no signs. They figured out a way to enhance my brain capacity, a failsafe of sorts, to be able to withstand the load and to keep me from releasing all the knowledge all at once. They wanted me to think it was my own knowledge… my own brain coming up with the ideas. But their plan failed.

DANIEL: So they're knowledge is what's causing this? They didn't implement the fail-safe correctly?

JACK: I'm gonna kill him. I'm gonna awaken his sorry grey ass from extinction and kill him.

Not exactly, Daniel. Sir… they couldn't have known. Their failsafe works perfectly. That's the problem.

JACK: I don't understand Carter. Is it the Asgard's fault or isn't it?

As I said in the beginning, it's complicated. Their intention were pure but what they did to me lead to the thing that's causing this… Please let me continue.

**It's close to midnight and something evil's lurking in the dark**

One night at my house, I was awakened by a weird sound in the back yard. I went outside to check it and found a shadow lingering in the dark. I started to move closer to try and identify the dark figure.

**Under the moonlight, you see a sight that almost stops your heart**

The moonlight, that had been dimmed by some clouds, suddenly illuminated the figure and the sight of it caused my blood to run cold. The figure was indeed a shadow, it had no firm body, it just floated there in the air. It looked like some creature from those wizard movies. It had huge fangs, was twice as big as I am. It made a roaring sound that causes your whole body to shudder with echo. It looked ugly, the image of terror.

**You try to scream but terror takes the sound before you make it**

**You start to freeze as horror looks you right between the eyes**

**You're paralyzed**

I started to scream for help but I felt the air being sucked from within me. I felt it catch in my throat and I couldn't make a sound. I couldn't breathe, I was petrified. I couldn't move a single muscle in my body. I don't even know if it was from the terror or from the creature's effect. But it was breathing something on me, sucking my whole essence from within me. I could feel it taking my soul, freezing my body, stealing my breath. It was killing me, slowly and painfully.

**'Cause this is thriller, thriller night**

**And no one's gonna save you from the beast about strike**

**You know it's thriller, thriller night**

**You're fighting for your life inside a killer, thriller tonight**

I felt like I was in one of those thrilling horror movies, the ones that make you jump off your chair and scream, except I couldn't even scream. I couldn't cry. I was frozen in time. I saw it preparing for some major strike. The way its 'body' expanded and grew darker proved as much. It was about to draw out my final breath, kill me for good.

Somehow the adrenaline rush enabled me to find some power in my legs to move. I ran inside the house. I didn't look back, I didn't think, I just ran. I got to my room, to the furthest wall and realized there's no where else to run. I had either escaped or not.

**You hear the door slam and realize there's nowhere left to run**

**You feel the cold hand and wonder if you'll ever see the sun**

**You close your eyes and hope that this is just imagination, girl!**

**But all the while you hear the creature creeping up behind**

**You're out of time**

And then I heard the door of my room slam harshly and realized that I hadn't escaped. I was trapped inside my own room. I had never been so scared in my entire life. Suddenly the room was engulfed by darkness and cold. It was like everything had started to instantly freeze. I felt the coldness touch my body from behind. It had gotten hold of me. I wasn't getting out of this, wasn't going to live to see another day. I closed my eyes and tried to wake up from my nightmare, but little did I know that this first time it was my reality. Little did I know that the nightmares were yet to come.

The creature let out this breathtaking noise again and I felt everything around me stop. I was out of time.

**'Cause this is thriller, thriller night**

**There ain't no second chance against the thing with forty eyes, girl**

**Thriller, thriller night**

**You're fighting for your life inside a killer, thriller tonight**

The creature shifted its shape and turned into some beast-like creature. With forty red eyes and a mouth as big as my bed. It started to hover around me, like a lion circling its prey. I could feel it smiling against my fear. I could sense its satisfaction increase with every one of my drumming rapid heart beats. It was feeding of my terror. It was getting stronger.

**Night creatures calling, the dead start to walk in their masquerade**

**There's no escaping the jaws of the alien this time**

**(They're open wide)**

**This is the end of your life**

Suddenly the creature's noise got accompanied by deafening howling. It sounded like the rise of the dead. The creature opened its mouth widely, showing me the creatures dwelling inside; the creatures that were rubbing their hands in satisfaction.

**They're out to get you, there's demons closing in on every side**

**They will possess you unless you change that number on your dial**

They looked like little demons, tiny but almost scarier than the beast in which they resided. They were multiplying and started to escape its mouth to move towards me. They were breathing cold breaths full of stench against me. Their hysteric laughs as sickening as those of hyenas only more spiteful.

I was surrounded. I felt my fear increasing alongside with their satisfaction. They were succeeding, they were slowly sucking my life away but somehow they didn't finish it. They seemed to be savoring every drop. Taking it as slowly as possible. With every breath, I thought this was definitely the last. I was praying for it to be the last, so that this torture would end. It was worse than anything I've ever had to endure. Worse than anything, the evilest of creatures we've met were capable of; a whole new level of evil.

Then, sir, something unexpected happened... You showed up… in my bedroom.

JACK: I what? I think I'd remember if I'd ended up in the middle of the "Dawn of the Dead" in the middle of your room with the life being sucked out of you, Carter. I think we should call the doc to check on you again. I think these nightmares are really taking their final toll on you. It's a scary dream, Carter, I know, but there's just no way in hell this horror movie you're recounting is true. It's just a figment of your imagination, due to all the stress you've been going through lately. And I promise you Carter I'm gonna protect you from those nightmare as best as I can till….

Jack! It's not just a dream! It happened. I know it did. You were there. You just don't remember just like I didn't. They made us forget so they can continue their mission. The Asgard knowledge in my brain caused me to remember, it caused me to overcome their curse. But you… you don't remember. This doesn't mean that I'm crazy.

JACK: Carter…

Jack! Hear me out. Trust me!

JACK: Sam…I…

Please, sir. I know it's true. I wish it wasn't, I truly wish I was losing my mind instead. Going crazy would at least spare me the terror they're putting me through. They feed on terror. On human fear and fragility. They want the knowledge inside my head. They want the Asgard knowledge repository and inflicting deadly terror is just a plus for them: nourishment so they don't starve while extracting the information they seek. I'm their food, sir. And I'm also their mission. They won't rest till they've downloaded every last bit of knowledge within me, only then will they allow me to die in peace. And somehow they still can't reach the knowledge, the Asgard's failsafe must be preventing it, but meanwhile they're enjoying every piece of terror they're extracting from me, they find me 'tasty'. Please let me continue.

JACK: I…

DANIEL: Go on Sam. We're listening.

TEAL'C: Indeed.

Ok so, sir, you arrived in my bedroom. You had probably come to talk to me about... something, when you heard the noises and sensed the creepiness and followed the trail to my room.

JACK: So I came to talk to you about something… unannounced… in the middle of the night…

It was the day of the…. ring… sir…

JACK: Oh! So I was...?

I guess so… Jack all this drama could have been avoided, if these creatures hadn't showed up, I'm guessing we could have been spared this whole drama, the whole wedding debacle… it could've…

JACK: Well we figured it out anyway… Sam… no need to dwell on what ifs'… I'll always be there for you. So… I followed the lead to your room and…?

**Now is the time for you and I to cuddle close together, yeah**

**All through the night I'll save you from the terror on the screen**

**I'll make you see**

**That this is thriller, thriller night**

**'Cause I can thrill you more than any ghost would ever dare try**

**Thriller, thriller night**

**So let me hold you tight and share a**

**Killer, diller, chiller, thriller here tonight**

**(I'm gonna thrill ya tonight)**

You shouted at the creatures and, with one leap, you were by my side holding me close. You seemed to be creating some sort of force field around us. You were repelling the demons. They couldn't get closer, they seemed to be fading away whenever they approached you. It was the Ancient gene. You were immune to them, they can't feed on you. And you are also capable of stopping them, the gene fends them of.

You started to comfort me, but I was too far gone to forget the fear I've been feeling. You started to ask me to look at you and nothing but you. You made me look inside your eyes. I saw then what you were doing at my house in the first place. You were really going to spare us the drama. You were really going to do what I wanted you to do. For an instant I forgot the whole terror I had experienced that night. I forgot about the demons you were fending off, I was taken in trance by the realization that you came back for me. I was just glad I was sharing this moment, this look with you. I didn't care about the demons, I didn't care about the shadows. I only cared about you sitting there in front of me, holding me close and looking into my eyes.

**Darkness falls across the land**

**The midnight hour is close at hand**

**Creatures crawl in search of blood**

**To terrorize y'alls neighborhood**

Before we knew it, we were pulled back into the land of living, the here and now. And though I would have thought it impossible, everything just grew darker. It was deep within the night. It felt like the night was engulfing us. The creatures started to multiply and spread. They filled the street outside, filled the starless sky, filled the walls. One could sense their presence everywhere, their blood hungry presence. They were out looking for pain.

**The foulest stench is in the air**

**The funk of forty thousand years**

**And grizzly ghouls from every tomb**

**Are closing in to seal your doom**

A revolting smell filled the air. Their voices grew louder and were more intense. They sounded angry now. The laughter was gone, it was replaced by angry threatening shouts. It felt like the world outside was turning upside down. It was going crazy. The creatures were everywhere. We could no longer see anything but darkness outside the protective shell you were casting around us. Only dark fog. I could no longer hear your soothing words, their screams pierced through our ears temporarily deafening us. It was getting worse, escalating. My heartbeat was equally escalating and so was yours. You held on to me tighter and shouted for me to close my eyes.

**And though you fight to stay alive**

**Your body starts to shiver**

**For no mere mortal can resist**

**The evil of the thriller**

I did as you told me, I closed my eyes and my whole body started to shake from the fear I found within the darkness caused by my own body, it was almost scarier than what loomed outside. I wanted to open it but you shouted for me to hang on, to resist. You held on even closer and I forced my eyes to remain shut. I silently wished this whole nightmare away one last time. And then just like that, everything calmed down. Suddenly, the voices disappeared, the darkness was lifted and the stench was gone. As quickly as it had started, the nightmare ended. I opened my eyes to find it had already become dawn, the faint glimmer caused by the rising sun, causing stones to lift off my chest. I found you looking back at me with comforting eyes. But before I knew it, we were both engulfed by a weird light and the next thing I knew I was in my bed, waking up startled by a nightmare and shaking it off to go to work. Our memories had been wiped out.

They're real, sir. They're still after me. They want the knowledge I possess. You don't remember what they could do, you didn't feel it, but I felt it and now I remember. I won't withstand going through it again. I won't…

JACK: I won't leave your side. You won't ever have to face it again. I'll be right there, every second. I will protect you. I won't leave your side, Sam.

It's not that easy...

JACK: Yes it is. No one's gonna touch one hair of you. I won't lose you… not after I've finally found you.


	11. Ghosts Of The Past

**A/N: ** Ok so I know again how awful I've been with updating… but if you knew the workload I've had… am having actually you'd totally forgive me… I hope =D But it's the first day in the new year and I wanted to start it off the right foot and make it up to you… I promise I'm supposed to update more regularly soon, as soon as this crazy semester is over =D So this chapter is one of the ones dearest to my heart… totally angsty and an it's one I've been imagining for long. And the song! It's just so… you'll see =D

**Chapter 11: **Ghosts of the Past

**Song:** Boy and The Ghost by Tarja Turunen

**Song Link: **www(dot)youtube(dot)com/watch?v=aBVzlbf61AU

Daniel is taking a steaming hot shower to clear his mind of the recent news. Sam has just told them about her nightmare, about what she and Jack went through. About the new enemy pursuing them; her. About the Asgard knowledge being within her brain. About the Asgard dying out. It was just too much. And with everything Sam just went through, he doesn't even know how she's still hanging in there. But he guesses Jack was the last thing keeping her going. He was holding her together. Well at least there was that: she and Jack finally found each other. It took too long but it was finally done. The hot water is doing Daniel good. Jack is still with Sam in the infirmary, keeping her distracted. Her condition has stabilized. Now that she remembered, she's no longer having her episodes. Teal'c said he'd kel'no'reem in some secluded corner of the infirmary to be near by if hey needed him. And Daniel, he excused himself for a shower on the base before he switched shifts with Teal'c. Jack refused to leave Sam's side-which she was grateful for- so Daniel and Teal'c agreed that one of them had to be nearby at all times.

So Daniel indulges the hot shower as long as he can. It offers a temporary sanctuary. Then all of a sudden and without any warning, he is overcome by a distant memory one he had thought he had long forgotten.

**The streets are empty.**

**Inside it's warm.**

**His hands are shaking.**

**They locked the door.**

**A voice is calling, asking to get in.**

Daniel had just become an orphan. His grandfather had given him away to the social services. He'd escaped from his first foster home; his foster parents were as far from parents as possible. As soon as the abuse started to show on his face and body he took off. One day after school he ran away and didn't look back. He decided against going back to the foster home. He didn't want to be put with any more 'fake' parents. It was almost christmas, the weather was cold. He'd ran away when the sun was still shining and had only a light jacket on. But as soon as the sun set, the snow bean to fall, freezing his extremities. There was no one left in the streets in this late hour. Everyone was already inside the warmth and security of their houses with their family. His body was shaking violently while loving parents were checking wether their doors are locked, ensuring that no harm would overcome their children; the ones they loved. Something inside him screamed for him to knock on the door, to ask them to let him in. He was freezing. He was hungry. He was scared; a little boy alone in the world. But the way they looked at him when they caught sight of him through the window, told him that he'd be met with more coldness inside than the physical one he was suffering outside. He spent the whole night leaning on the streetlamp, his shivering body freezing to the ground.

**All he wanted was a toy.**

**All he needed was a gentle heart to lead him through the dark when his dreams are running wild.**

He longed for his old teddy: Khofu. He missed him. He missed his old home, his parents, the warmth their love made them feel. He wanted to feel loved. But he saw no way for him to feel this way again. He was going to die out there in the cold, alone and forgotten; and no one would even care. He saw no way out of the darkness.

**Boy and the ghost, fire's not burning.**

**The lights went out, the lights went out.**

Daniel manages to bring himself back to the now. He is warm and safe in the safety of the SGC. He is no longer a scared little boy. He is no longer alone. He feels the hot water on his skin and savors the feeling. He tries to calm himself down; he focuses on the contact of the water with his body, looks at the steam rising around him. It is nice and warm. Then without warning the water meeting with his skin turns to ice. He feels the coldness from his memory engulf him. The hot steam, turns into a dark cold fog. The bathroom lights start to dim and dark nebulous shapes start to become visible. Deep down he knows what's happening to him. He's living through one of Sam's nightmares. He doesn't know how exactly he knows for sure, he just knows he does; he's certain. And the mere thought of it chills him to the bone.

**Big family dinner, the untold pain.**

**Their eyes are sparkling on his frozen face.**

**Angel's calling, asking to get in.**

The images of that lonely cold night start to replay in his mind. He tries to snap out of it but it's out of his hands. It's the creatures; they're causing this. It's their way of scaring him, of working past his defenses. He closes his eyes to try to escape his past but the memory intensifies: He's walked passed dozens of houses, all someone's home. All full of happy families, eating their daily meal, laughing and sharing stories, like he used to do. His stomach is rumbling. The scars from yesterdays beating still fresh, hurting from the cold. His feet full of blisters, his heart full of pain. He's lost feeling to his face and extremities; he was certain that he'll find his nose on the ground any second now. He desperately prayed to anyone, anything to save him from the world.

**All he wanted was a toy.**

**All he needed was a gentle heart to lead him through the dark when there's nowhere left to fall.**

**Boy and the ghost.**

**His eyes are burning.**

**The lights went out.**

**The dream is on.**

He prayed for a blanket, for some food. He prayed for a hug, a comforting word. He longed for a smile, gentle eyes. His legs failed him, they could no longer carry him. He felt himself fall to the cold snow. He knew he had to get up but somehow he couldn't; he didn't want to. He wanted to go home. He wanted his warm bed, his blanket, his teddy, his mom to kiss him goodnight and did daddy to tuck him in. He started to cry. There in the cold darkness he started to cry, to pray for anyone to listen.

**Wake up, wake up: there's an angel in the snow.**

When Daniel comes to, he finds himself indeed crying, silent sobs escaping his mouth, coldness overcoming his body. The bathroom is entirely frozen, the creatures are everywhere. He tries to shout for help but just as Sam has said, no sound could escape his mouth. He is living Sam's greatest horror and there's no one to save him from it! No one; just like there was no one that night long ago. But then for less than a second his brain remembers something. He manages to register it, before the creatures have totally erased and replaced it with another terrifying memory: that night, after he'd fallen asleep, just before he was totally gone, an old man found him. He saved his life. He took him to the hospital, got him treated and then took him home with him and Daniel lived with the old man until he died. He even inherited his apartment and all his belongings. He had indeed found the someone he was praying for. He survived and lived a happy life with a mentor who got him where he was today. His prayers were answered.

**Look up, look up: it's a frightened dead boy, with so much hate, such bad dreams.**

But as said, the dark phantoms, hunt the happy memory away and replay the hate and terror he was feeling before in his mind. They cause him to live through this dreadful day over and over again. They cause him to remember the torture before, the abuse, the loss of dignity. They replay his pleading pained shouts in the bathroom, his own scared voice echoes off the concrete walls. The angry threats of his foster father resound in his head. His face appears in front of him. He feels the pain pierce through his body. He feels the fright and agitation. He's reliving his worst nightmare and there's no escape.

**He could have seen.**

**The toy's the key, but no one saw, no one saw.**

**All he wanted was a toy; all he needed was a beating heart to lead him through the dark.**

**Boy and the ghost.**

He can see Khofu being barbarically ripped apart in front of his own eyes. He can feel leather ripping through his soft skin. He can smell the blood; his own blood. The voices are growing more intense. His surrounded, engulfed by these faceless ghosts.

**Despero, solitas, debilis, desolo.**

**Despero, solitas, debilis, desolo.**

**When there's nowhere left to fall, nowhere to hide.**

**The silence is hurting.**

**Inside it's cold.**

**Sleep or die.**

**Nowhere to go, nowhere to hide.**

**His light went out.**

He is overcome by despair. His own life is being sucked out of his body before his very eyes and he can do nothing about it. He can't escape, he can't run, he doesn't even slip into that comforting unconsciousness, he remains aware but helpless. This must have been how Sha're felt like while having Amunet inside her. After all these years, he's grateful for Teal'c for sparing her the suffering.

Suddenly the intimidating noises stop, they are replaced with deafening silence that hurts even more than the noise. The feels the coldness spreading from within him. His whole body is racking severely. He feels the end closing in, he wishes it's closing in. He wants to lose consciousness, he even wants to die if it means the end of this living nightmare. He realizes, there's no other escape from this than death and he senses that reprieve through death wasn't something these aliens were willing to grant him. He silently calls for Oma, he wishes she's out there somewhere listening. He wishes she can hear his soundless shouts, he wishes she can arrive in time to make this stop, even if by killing him. Thankfully he feels a bright light slightly illuminate the expanding darkness and remains conscious long enough to see it fend off the phantoms. He then falls into darkness.

It was too late. By the time they had gotten to him, it had been too late. True Oma had prevented the aliens from harming him any further but the damage was already done.

Now, Daniel is in a white padded room, heavily sedated and helplessly roaming around, not exactly knowing what was going on. He'd lost his mind. He is officially crazy now and can't be allowed to roam the corridors of the SGC. He needs to remain confined in an empty room, as to not harm himself. He is allowed visitors but only for short periods of time and as long as he doesn't lash out, which happened more often than not. They'd done it; the aliens had done it. They succeeded in ripping him of his soul, they'd frightened him into oblivion, they'd eaten him off. Jack didn't get there in time and Daniel is paying the price. Jack's beating himself up and the fact that Sam started slipping away herself the moment he left her side wasn't helping. So Teal'c remains close to Daniel while Jack keeps constant watch on Sam, who's condition is improving, now that he's back. The situation is bad; very bad. This time, they're up against a powerful enemy, an enemy who knows everything about their deepest fears and hopes and whom they know nothing about. An enemy with the capability to strike anywhere and anytime, an enemy made of a shadow. And right now they were losing the war.


	12. Twisting The Pride

**A/N: ** Hey there… Sorry for the delay :S Thanx for all those who support me and for all the kind words… and sorry if I disappointed some people… I really hope I can make it up to them or they can tell me what I should change. I realize this story is a bit dark and sometimes borderline angsty but this was the idea that came to me… and I'm afraid it's going to turn further into the dark side before the light shines again. I'm trying to give every character it's fair chance and study it under pressure and angst. Hope you still like it and please let know what you think =D

**Chapter 12: **Twisting The Pride

**Song:** 1. Get Off My Back by Bryan Adams, Spirit OST

2. You Can't Take Me by Bryan Adams, Spirit OST

**Song Link: **1. www(dot)youtube(dot)com/watch?v=WUfJIF85jcI

2. www(dot)5youtube(dot)com/watch?v=R45M4jYmE2g&feature=related

* * *

><p>Where are they coming from? They must be coming from somewhere. No one's ever heard of them before, how are they in the middle of the SGC, all of a sudden. How were they at Sam's house? How did they know about what the Asgard did. There are so many questions. So many questions running through Jack's mind.<p>

He's of no use to anyone right now. He can't help Daniel. No one can.

He can't help Sam. He can barely keep her alert for a few minutes at a time, she thinks with him, starts to come up with some ideas, before she slips away again; into panic and haunted hallucinations.

At least, she's a bit better off than Daniel; at least there are these brief periods of consciousness. But these minutes of consciousness are also filled with horror and fragility. Jack's not sure wether she's in a better position than Daniel, after all.

Seeing the strong willful Samantha Carter, so fragile and exposed is frightening. He still remembers nothing about that night. He has tried, many times, but he comes up empty. As far as he's concerned he had a few beers, some other drinks, and went to bed. True, he kept on beating up himself about what had happened with Sam-hence the other drinks- true he also entertained the idea of going up to her place and confessing his true feelings, of letting it all out, of shouting at her for being with Pete in the first place, of beating the crap out of Pete… he entertained many ideas but in the end, through the liquor induced fog inside his brain, he had managed to find his sense to stay at home and before he knew it, the alcohol running through his blood had pulled him into a deep sleep; or so he remembered.

…

JACK: Carter, stay with me. We were talking about the aliens, remember? Where they could have come from. You had a theory.

Leave me alone… please, please… I can't… I can't take this anymore…. SAM PLEADS HELPLESSLY

Then darkness overcomes her, just like it does every time. Jack slams his fists into the nightstand next to her bed and swears loudly. He can't take it any more either. He's growing more and more frustrated. He's losing hope. Teal'c has arrived by his side and rests a comforting hand on his friend's shoulder. He reassures him that they'll pull through, just like they always do. It's just taking more time than usual.

Jack explains that if only they knew who this enemy was, where it lives, how it got here, how it affects them, what exactly it does and why he's immune to them… then they'd at least have something to go on instead of idly sitting by and watching their friends slip through their fingers. At least he still has Teal'c. Teal'c just nods sadly. His friend is right. They need some answers, they need a lead; any lead. Unfortunately the two persons most likely to come up with this lead are currently unavailable and this is way out of Jack and Teal'cs league… their league is getting things done once the others find the lead.

Teal'c is in his quarters. It's his four hours of sleep and he's now found a great pleasure in sleeping, so he's looking forward to the much needed temporary reprieve. Suddenly the lights in room start to dim, though he has't turned off the lights yet. A distant howling tickles his ears and he senses what's approaching. It's the demons. They've come for him, as well. He's the next prey.

**Well you think that you can take me on, you must be crazy.**

These creatures must be crazy. Their stunt isn't going to work on him. He's a Jaffa, he doesn't feel fear. His mind is strong. He isn't underestimating the strength and stamina of his friends, but it's just that his physiology and training are entirely different. Jaffa are immune to fear.

The howling grows louder, it draws nearer. The pitch of the sound is very high and it's highly uncomfortable even for a trained Jaffa. The room is suddenly pitch black. By the time Teal'cs eyes have adjusted to the dark he can recognize the same dark shapeless creature, his friends had told them about.

**There ain't a single thing you've done that's gonna phase me.**

The creature is staring back at Teal'c with intimidating eyes. To the creature's apparent dismay Teal'c hasn't even so much as flinched since the beginning of this whole ordeal.

**Oh, but if you want to have a go, I just want to let you know… **

The creature lingers there for a moment. It seems to be weighing it's options. Teal'c is looking back at it's red eyes, his jaw moving in a battle ready manner, his gaze as determined as ever.

**Get off my back and into my game. Get out of my way and out of my brain. Get outta my face or give it you best shot, I think it's time you better face the fact: Get off my back **

The creature makes it's move. It's fast and accurate. With one leap, it is on top of Teal'c attempting to startle the Jaffa warrior.

**You know it's all just a game that I'm playing. **

Teal'c hunches his back and swiftly ducks his head. If the creature thinks it's getting to him, he is going to let it believe its own lies.

**Don't think that you can find a way in, that's what I'm saying, oh, if you want to have a go, I just want to let you know...**

The dark beast settles on top of Teal'c, its sickening laughter filling the air. It is expanding and retracting its body in a celebratory manner; it has got it's prey. Teal'c lingers in the same position; the fear hungry creature too happy with its victory that it temporarily fails to sense the lack of fear in the air.

**Get off my back and into my game. Get out of my way and out of my brain. Get outta my face or give it you best shot, I think it's time you better face the fact: Get off my back **

Teal'c suddenly breaks out of the creature's shadow and once again, stands defiantly facing it. The playing ground is evened out and the creature isn't used to this kind of opposition. True Jack had defeated it before but this was different. Jack is an Ancient but this being, it was a Jaffa, a weak race that needs another being to survive, another being that also needs another life form to exist. The Jaffa is a parasite and the demon isn't going to be defeated by a parasite.

The dark being has to resort to other means, it has to play all its cards and the outcome isn't going to be pretty for one parasitic Jaffa.

The game is on.

_**Got to fight another fight, I gotta run another night.**_

_**Get it out, check it out, I'm on my way and it don't feel right.**_

Teal'cs surroundings change. He's no longer at the SGC. He's surrounded by tall grey walls, that seem to be going on forever, in every direction. He's stuck and he doesn't know what got him here and where here is, all he knows is that something doesn't feel right. He needs to get out of this… whatever this is. He runs in one direction, in order to find the way out of the dark path he's in. He keeps on going and going. It's so dark that he can't see his feet. He can only see the place where the wall gives way to the starless night sky, for the rim of the wall is blazed with a fire. But somehow the fire lights nothing but this place, it isn't projecting any illumination around it; which is unexpected from supposedly normal fire and light. It's like the air consumes the light as soon as it escapes the fixture of the wall. Teal'c is running; has been running for, he doesn't know how long now. His muscular legs are getting tired, his tretonin dependent body is wearing out. His blood needs the substance it's dependent on, he won't be able to carry on for long.

_**I gotta get me back, I can't be beat and that's a fact.**_

_**It's OK, I'll find a way, you ain't gonna take me down, no way.**_

This is when some panic starts to rise within him. He needs to find his way out of this. He is in some sort of a mind game and he has to figure out the rules to the game to come up with a game plan. He figures, he's inside a labyrinth. He has thought of labyrinths while in his room with the creature, it must have sensed his dismay towards them and thus brought him here, wherever here was. Another wave of panic manages to overcome him before he suppresses it. He can't let the creature get its way. He has to get out of this labyrinth, he has to use his heightened senses to find the way out of this puzzle. He'll get through, he won't be beat. The creature isn't getting a hold of him that easily. He isn't going to surrender his mind, he isn't allowing himself to be captured in the labyrinth of fear. If not for himself then at least for Jack.

_**Don't judge a thing until you know what's inside it.**_

_**Don't push me, I'll fight it. Never gonna give in, never gonna give it up, no.**_

The last thought brings Teal'c back into his full warrior mode. He's a warrior and he's not going to allow this creature to manipulate him. He knows he hasn't physically left the SGC and so this is just a projection of the mind; his own mind. And the mind is a powerful thing but also a thing he can control; he is after all a master of meditation. So he closes his eyes and reaches the deepest state of meditation and within a few minutes finds himself back at the SGC, inside his room.

Two for Teal'c and zero for the fear-hungry demon. Teal'c is happy with his win. He internally laughs at the creature for underestimating its opponent and not fully knowing what it's up against: You can't fight different people and different races with the same tactics. Rule one in combat: you've got to get to know your enemy.

_**If you can't catch a wave, then you're never gonna ride it.**_

_**You can't come uninvited. Never gonna give in, never gonna give it up, no.**_

_**You can't take me I'm free!**_

How do these creates expect to get to him when they clearly don't know the first thing about a Jaffa and his abilities. You can't hope to control something, you don't even understand. And Teal'c has had enough of creatures trying to get a hold of him, to control him and to think that they're the masters of him. He's a free Jaffa. All Jaffa are finally free and he isn't going to be the first Jaffa to surrender into slavery again, not after being the first one to be freed from the Goa'uld. He isn't surrendering himself to anyone or anything and certainly not to fear.

_**Why did it all go wrong? I wanna know what's going on.**_

But apparently Teal'c got happy all too soon and his thoughts gave the creature what it had been looking for, all along. The creature has found its way in to Teal'c. Fear isn't going to be the solution. It needs something stronger; something that will get to this Jaffa even more than fear could get to anyone and the taste of this particular something is even going to be more tasty than any fear.

Teal'c finds himself struck down to the ground before he can even register what's going on. He gets up only to find himself tackled to the ground again. Nothing is touching him, nothing is there only darkness and cold. The creature is gone and still somehow Teal'c finds himself overpowered to the ground. He knows it's the creature but he doesn't know how; and by the rate he's being beaten up and knocked around he doesn't even have the time to fully think about it. All his strength is focused on his battle with the invisible, figureless enemy.

_**And what's this holding me? I'm not where I'm supposed to be.**_

Then the beating stops, leaving Teal'c on the ground, bleeding from his whole body, unable to move. His will hasn't been taken away though, but little does he know, that this had been exactly the creature's intention. The creature was plotting for something big. One final big attack and this was only the cornerstone for said attack.

Teal'c tries to get up but finds steal chains, forming around his wrists, feet, stomach and neck, chaining him to the ground. The chain around his neck is so tight he can hardly breathe. The second he starts to struggle the chains, big sharp knives attach themselves on the inside of them, piercing through his skin. He starts to bleed some more. He knows, he's bleeding heavily from the wounds of his phantom battle and that with the extra bleeding he would soon lose all his power. He is growing weak so he has to act fast.

_**I gotta fight another fight, I gotta fight with all my might.**_

_**I'm getting out, so check it out. Ya, you're in my way so you better watch out**_

Teal'c grits his teeth against the pain and pulls heavily at the chains to try and get up again. He uses all the power left in him but with no success. He knows he can't be really bleeding. He knows these chains and the beating couldn't have been real, so he can't possible be this weak. But somehow the old trick of meditating himself out of the situation doesn't work. He was really in this.

He tries to call for help. It's not that he's helpless or anything but a true warrior knows his true capabilities and knows when the situation is going to need more than just his will power and this was one of those situations. He also knows that he's, in no way, giving up.

_**Don't judge a thing until you know what's inside it.**_

_**Don't push me, I'll fight it. Never gonna give in, never gonna give it up, no.**_

_**If you can't catch a wave, then you're never gonna ride it.**_

_**You can't come uninvited. Never gonna give in, never gonna give it up, no.**_

Teal'c manages to arouse the attention of one of the SFs in the corridor before the knives cutting through his neck, prevent him from making another sound. He's feeling dizzy from the blood loss. He is running out of time. Two SFs burst into the room, only to find Teal'c lying on the ground in pain. They don't understand why he's looking at them this way; why he's shouting for them to help him though there's nothing going on. He manages to ask them to call for Jack before another wave of pain shoots through his whole body. The knives are really in too deep and they're staring to do some real damage to the nerves. He doesn't understand how these SFs can be so useless. They don't seem to be seeing anything wrong in his situation which further assures him that this is definitely only in his mind. He fights it. He sums up all the will power left in him. He reminds himself that it's only his mind; he can control his mind. These creature know nothing about him, they only want to break him and he isn't going to allow them the satisfaction. He can't allow them. His friends need him. If there is one thought he truly can't bare, it's leaving his friends alone and letting them down and to his misfortune that's what the creature had figured out; that's what it's playing at.

_**You can't take me I'm free!**_

The second Jack enters the room alongside with a few armed airmen, the creatures fall back, they immediately leave the room. No one else can see them but Teal'c and Jack and their bodies relax considerably as soon as they disappear.

Jack suddenly remembers that other night at Sam's house. He's about to get overwhelmed by the memory, by how he'd found her but then Teal'cs audible pain gets him back to the here and now. Teal'c needs help but given the type of his injuries he doesn't really know how he could mend him. How can you treat imaginary bleeding gashes. But the airmen can suddenly see Teal'cs injuries as well. They apologize for their lack of vision earlier and Jack explains that it's not their fault but that they need to help him to get Teal'c looked after and soon.

They start to help him up to get to the infirmary when a sound makes them all stop dead in their tracks.

It is one high pitched shriek. A single one that lasted forever. It echoes through the walls of the whole facility. One can feel the trembling of the voice even from this far. One can hear the terror in every sound wave. The silence that follows only serves to magnify the effect of the sound. Jack and Teal'c know beyond a doubt where this sound originated from; who it originated from and it cause their blood to run cold:

They'd gotten to Sam.

The creatures had gotten to Sam. It was their plan all along. This is the final straw that causes Teal'c to succumb to the full extent of his physically injuries, for the emotional pain his conscience is feeling, is too heavy for him to carry. He'd failed his friend. He's helped the creatures do, what they'd been trying to do all along. It is all his fault. He let his own thirst for freedom come in the way of his sense of better judgement and one of his dearest friends, his sister, is paying the price. His guilt finally gets the best of him and he falls to the ground with a loud thump.

All havoc wreaks in the SGC.


	13. This Is The Sound

**A/N: ** I know it"s been an awfully long time and I'm really sorry for that. But I am working on my bachelor thesis and you can imagine how this is going. so please excuse me. I will try my best to update a bit more regularly =D Please let me know what you think, I really need something to cheer me up hehe =D

**Chapter 13: **This Is The Sound

**Song:** This Is The Sound by The Exies

**Song Link:** www(dot)youtube(dot)com/watch?v=giIZgSZL-kQ

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><p>He has to get to Sam. He has to get help for Teal'c.<p>

Supposedly he's been to hell before, a few years back. He's seen it all, been through anything and everything. But the second Jack leaves Teal'cs quarters to get to Sam, he realizes that he ain't seen nothing, yet. All hell had broken loose.

**I've been building scars up**

**Putting flames out with my fingers**

The corridor is barely visible. It's covered with dark stinking fog. The walls seem to have been ripped apart, broken electric wires sparking and charging the air. Jack's hand gets singed but he doesn't really register it. There are small fires building in the corners. The smoke fills up his lungs. The fog grows more intense. SFs are cringing in the corner, covering their ears, screaming, pleading, shivering in pain. Some of them have visible gashes either from the wires or the fire.

**Tell me when my time's up**

**So my hope no longer lingers**

Jack's soldier mind finds itself at a freeze. He's trained for situations like this, he's trained to choose fight when it comes to flight or fight but for a moment there, just a single moment, he finds himself paralyzed, taking in the scene before him. They're losing the battle. They're losing big time. And right now he has no idea what these creatures are capable of and it scares the hell out of him. You wanna fight, then show yourselves and fight, he screams into the fog. He knows it**'**s futile but he couldn't help it. He knows the creatures did all this to keep him from getting to Sam. He knows it is their take at an ambush but he also knows that he can't leave all these SFs like this. He can't leave the fire to climb up the SGC and he sure as hell can't keep the wires that have now electrocuted him uncovered like this. If they want to have a fighting chance they have to play this right. They're up against the clock and the only way possible for them to win this, is to stay together.

Teal'c, you go… Jack starts to coordinate with Teal'c while turning around to face him, only to realize that he's alone in the corridor. Teal'c had fallen, he knows but he thought that he'd have gotten back up by now, just like he always does.

**Then say no more**

**Say no more**

**Say no more**

Should he go back for Teal'c, or should he handle this alone or should he choose not to fall for the ambush and head straight for Sam. His heart knows exactly what it should do. But his mind is weighing the options. His military bravado and motto of leaving no one behind is literarily ripping him apart. He's one man and there are many people, dear people counting on only him. And all the implications, all the consequences were running simultaneously through his mind. He can't waste more time debating this, he has to act. And he knows what he has to do: he has to get to Sam, to stop the creatures from completing their ultimate goal.

It's settled. He runs for the infirmary without looking behind.

**Cause, this is the sound of hurt**

**Unrehearsed and it's so real**

More infected SFs, more fellow soldiers and civilians, who have succumbed to the horror of the creature. The pictures are getting more grotesque, the pain is getting louder. He doesn't look them in the eye, he doesn't stop when his hand gets burned, he just moves forward. The irony, that this is even worse than Netu, registers in his mind yet again.

**So, what are you waiting for?**

He starts to run faster. He has to hurry. He has to get to Sam, he promised.

**You can't ignore the sound**

**Of someone breaking down**

More screams, more fear. He can't take this anymore. He has to help someone, do something. The creatures are nowhere to be seen and yet their harm is more than done. These people are surely loosing it, just like Daniel did, just like Teal'c did.

**Somehow, I'm rendered speechless**

And then suddenly everything grows silent. There's nothing to be heard but Jack's heavy breathing. He comes to an abrupt stop, he's waiting for the silence to be broken, for the punchline in his face.

And it hits, and hits hard.

That shrill naked scream again. The sound of someone's soul being torn apart. Sam's soul.

**I get nervous, when you're leaving**

**So tell me, reassure me**

**There is something worth believing**

Jack's legs restart their sprint before his mind catches up. His legs are running with a mind of their one, one set on rescuing the love of his life. His brain is boiling up. The thought of losing her crosses his mind and the idea alone is almost too harsh on his knees that they threaten to fail him. She can't possible be gone, not after all these years. His mind held on to the hope that he'll get there in time. That he'll save her and everything will turn out just fine like it always does. That's their way. She's going to make it. They're all going to make it.

**Then say no more**

**Say no more**

**Say no more**

There's only a few more steps till he's there. He's bracing himself and his mind for what he'll have to do; what he'll have to see. He has to put all his worries and fears aside, he has to focus on the task at hand. He needs to silence his thoughts. Mute.

**Cause, this is the sound of hurt**

**Unrehearsed and it's so real**

**So, what are you waiting for?**

**You can't ignore the sound**

**Of someone breaking down**

His mind is silenced. He's drawing nearer and he's starting to realize what is awaiting him, more and more. He knows the sounds. He recognizes the emotions. The smells the pain. He's heading towards it, approaching the moment of truth. The truth he isn't sure he wants to know.

**Then say no more…**

Two more steps.

**Say no more...**

One last step.

**Say no more...**

He enters the room. The creatures abruptly leave. The fog lifts and the light comes back on, revealing what had been hidden by the darkness…

**This is the sound...**

Devastation.


	14. Pained Flashbacks

Before you read.. I know this is really really dark… I don't know where it came from but I found the song so intriguing and just had to work with it and let my imagination run wild… probably too wild… but I think it is not too OOC given way we know about Jack's past, as I try to explain through the course of the chapter. Please give it a try… Remember this is an experimental story.. I'm trying to find their and y limits and let the songs decide the flow…

Sorry for the delays but I am going through so much nowadays so I cannot go much faster… Also due to the reentry submitted thesis, I realized I use to many abbreviations like can't and won't and decided to try and avoid them to improve the quality of my writing =D

So please let me know what you think =D

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><p>It's all his fault.<p>

He'd left her alone and they got to her. They ambushed him and she payed the price. The doctor said she's catatonic. They don't know when she'll snap out of it, if ever.

He'd failed her. He'd failed them all.

Sam. Daniel. Teal'c.

Jack managed to keep his act together until General Hammond showed up.

Hammond arrived mere hours after Jack had called him. He understood what Jack was going through; that he needed some time alone.

So now Jack retreates to his quarters.

Images of what had happened, start running through his mind.

He finally succumbs to the full extent of his emotional pain. A pain that is so deep, that he cannot stand it. He has to do something to get himself out of this. So he allows his old friend, the dark and twisty part of his soul he'd kept locked up for so long, to resurface.

ZAT

**Pain **

_He'd found her cringing in a corner. Sam looked like someone who'd been scared out of her wits. Her face was as pale as ghost. Whole body racking violently. She looked so... _

**Without love**

_He'd tried to talk to her, to touch her but nothing. She didn't even flinch away at his touch, like she usually did when she was this disoriented. She simply sat there, big scared eyes, that barely blinked, and pale skin. She looked like someone who'd been petrified in place._

**Pain **

Jack can feel the pain of the zat run through his body.

**I can't get enough**

He's grateful for the distraction. But the electric numbness isn't enough to mask what he's feeling.

**Pain**

He picks up the knife. He makes a small cut inside his palm. Slowly but surely.

**I like it rough**

Slowly but surely. It is not deep enough to cause permanent damage, but enough to cause excruciating pain.

**'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all**

As the blood seeps from his hand to the ground, he feels better than he'd done all day. Cause at least now, he feels something, rather than the nothingness that has been residing within him while waiting for Hammond to arrive; to relieve him from his duties.

**You're sick of feeling numb**

**You're not the only one.**

The effect from that zat has worn off. They had figured long ago, that it's effects are neutralized after a few minutes. The deep gash on his palm, is no longer acting as a distraction. He's back to feeling numb again. He can't remain like this.

**I'll take you by the hand**

**And I'll show you a world that you can understand**

He has not done this in a long time. Ever since he had joined the SGC. Ever since he'd gotten to know his team. The one he is now losing. The one whose members are suffering because of his incompetence. He knows he is going back to where he used to be.

**This life is filled with hurt**

**When happiness doesn't work**

He has got nothing left to lose. He has already lost it all. If they die… if they remain like this...

**Trust me and take my hand**

He cannot bare the thought. So he completely surrenders himself to the darkness inside him.

It does not taken long for the dark part to take over. He knows the drill. He had been through it more times than he can count. But it was the only thing that worked.

**When the lights go out, you will understand**

So there he is again. In that dark place, hurting himself. He knows that the minor injuries he is causing himself are not enough to cause the result he usually wanted, they are not enough to get him to black out. But he does not want that. Yet.

He wants to suffer first.

He wants to wrap his head around what had happened.

More images.

Flashbacks.

_He went to see Daniel and Teal'c after he had… after they had given him Sam's prognosis._

ZAT

**Pain**

_Daniel! He visited him. tried to talk to him, but there is no longer anyone inside. Just a guy, rambling to himself, in an unknown language. A guy pacing around the room. A guy using air as a pen to write on an imaginary paper._

**Without love**

_A guy that is no more. _

**Pain**

Electricity is running through Jack's body. Frying his synapses.

**Can't get enough**

The moment of first contact with each nerve end is bliss.

**Pain**

The pain is stronger than that of the first zat. They know it is because the nerves are more vulnerable with each zat and that if you wait long enough between zats they don't kill.

**I like it rough**

He is glad the pain is increasing. The sharp piercing through his inner body, momentarily masks all his other emotions.

**'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all**

He is overcome by pain. It is all he can feel.

But it wears off all too soon. And his mind starts replaying the whole day over again.

ZAT

**Pain**

_Teal'c! He'd slipped into a coma by the time Jack had come to see him again. All his organs were slowly shutting down. Numerous tubes and wires connected to his once capable and strong body; the body that lay helplessly on an infirmary bed. _

**Without love**

_He was dying._

**Pain**

The pain of the zat is stronger; yes, but his body has also grown more accustomed to it.

**Can't get enough**

It is not enough. It is painful but not enough. He needs more.

CUT

**Pain**

He makes another cut with the knife; this time in his hip. He feels the cold steel cut through his BDUs and then slice through his skin.

**I like it rough**

Blood starts trickling down, staining the green cloth around his leg. His body is shaking from the pain but he doesn't stop.

**'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all**

He doesn't stop. He cuts deeper. He feels the pain starting to take over him. It is washing away everything else. He knows it will not be long before he blacks out, so he stops.

He is not done yet. He is not allowing himself reprieve that easily.

**(I know, I know, I know, I know)**

**I know that you're wounded**

He is no longer in control of his own actions. It is all up to the dark side of him, now. It knows what its body is going through.

**(You know, you know, you know, you know)**

**That I'm here to save you**

But it also knows the right way to go. And Jack knows it knows. That is why he lets it take control. Each and every single time.

**(You know, you know, you know, you know)**

**I'm always here for you**

It has always been this way. Whenever he had hit a snag, whenever he had been in situations like this one, his own normal soul could not deal, so the other one always showed up. That is what it was there for.

Of course, it had not always been there. It had emerged bit by bit. It was born from the torture he had had to endure. From the abuse. From the loss. From the guilt. He has been through so much in his life, things that no one should ever go through. Things no one else would have survived. Not without the help of this dark soul. Charlie's death was the final straw. It had given it a body, a shape. It had given it complete and utter control.

**(I know, I know, I know, I know)**

**That you'll thank me later**

Just like now. It was dictating his every move back then, when he was about to commit suicide, like it is now. But this time suicide is not the intention. Not yet anyway. If they do not come out of this; if another one of his families gets torn apart, suicide would be the only way to go.

For now he only deserves to feel anguish. They both know it.

STAB

**Pain **

He jabs his knee with the knife in his hands with all his might.

**Without love**

He chose his bad knee, of course. Now it could be more of a constant nag, a reminder of his failure.

**Pain**

The knife cuts so deep, that it reaches the nerves. He screams out in pain, despite of himself.

**Can't get enough**

His whole knee is throbbing. The pain shoots up his leg and soon engulfs his whole body.

**Pain**

He is in unbearable physical pain but he still cannot help but think about Sam. About how she looked. About how she had held on to him, pleading him to not leave.

This causes him to fall to the ground. His whole body starts shaking. He assumes it is because of the physical trauma his body is going through, but realizes that it is because he is sobbing.

Jack O'Neill, is sobbing. A single tear streams down his face and joins the blood on the now soaked rug.

**I like it rough**

This is something different. But the feel of the hot tear trickling down his cheek, is harsher than that of the knife's blade that cut through his skin. The tear, means he is really there. Means he cares about someone to the extent of ceasing to exist if that someone is gone.

**'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all**

A faint noise is escaping his mouth. He _is_ in pain. His body will soon fail him, but all he can feel is his longing for Sam. His guilt. He is feeling something alright, but he cannot endure what he is feeling.

He is losing it.

**Anger and agony**

**Are better than misery**

He has to feel more pain. This is not working. He cannot remain like this. He needs to release the anger he was feeling. Anger at the creature. That godforsaken creature. He needs to redeem himself from his guilt. He has to suffer. It is time to bring on the real agony. It is time for the second level.

**Trust me, I've got a plan**

**When the lights go off, you will understand**

He slips his finger through the gash on his knee. He keeps on twisting his insides. He cannot take it anymore. Shouts of pain are escaping his mouth but he does not stop. He barely feels his hand but he does not stop. His ears start to ring but he does not stop. Everything starts to go hazy but he does not stop.

He blacks out.

The lights go off.

Darkness.

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><p>So? What do you think? Do you hate me a lto for all the whumping? Hope not cause there is still more to come but on other fronts ;D<p> 


	15. The Will To Fight

**A/N: **I know it's been ages and to be honest I had given up hope on this story as a whole but somehow tonight I got in the mood for it… I know some of you are no longer interested in this story but I hope there are other are willing to bear with me a while longer =D I'm afraid I am still going forward with the dark shade the story has been in for the past few chapters but not for long I promise… will turn it around as soon as it's logically plausible =D So enjoy and as always let me know what you think =D

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><p><strong>Part Three<strong>

**Emotion Set:** _Anger, Hope, Fight, Struggle, Death, Guilt_

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><p><strong>Chapter 15: <strong>The Will To Fight

**Song: **Unknown Soldier by Breaking Benjamin

**Song Link: ** watch?v=E9HoIPCWGsY

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><p>Infirmary bed. Patched up body. Still scattered psyche.<p>

**Borderline**

Hammond knows the hard part is still ahead. It's going to be tough. With Jack's condition should he even bother. No he shouldn't and if it were anyone else he wouldn't but in Jack's case, he can't not.

**Dead inside**

"Jack." dull brown eyes meet Hammond's. And he knows the dullness is more due to the psyche than the recently damaged body. And it makes it harder for Hammond to keep up a serious act. "What you did was utterly and completely stupid and unacceptable. You are a US Air…" Hammond starts his reprimand but the heartbreaking look of Jack forces him to stop mid-sentence. He can't continue in this act, he'll switch to the other approach, the one he knew he'd need sooner or later. "Oh, Jack. You scared us to death. I… I couldn't have lost you, too. I know how you must be feeling son, hell I'm feeling the same."

**I don't mind falling to pieces**

"I won't tell you don't do this to yourself or you could die, cause I know this won't get me anywhere. So I'm gonna tell you don't do this to them. They need you Jack. You're their only hope. What you did means you've already given up on them and I haven't. It's not like you to give up and surrender. You need to take care of yourself so you can fight for them."

**Count me in**

This elicited a response from Jack. For the first time since he woke up, there's something behind his eyes. Emotions.

"You need to get better first. The doctor says, you'll need at least three days to heal properly. We'll talk then."

Before Jack can say anything more, Hammond turns to leave and then adds one more thought "Please, Jack, just don't do anything stupid, please."

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><p><strong>Violent<strong>

Due to the heavy sedatives and medication, the three days pass faster than Jack expected. Also due to said reasons, he hasn't had much time to think about anything, before now. Now, while he was standing in front of his Commanding Officer. And all he has in mind is rage. He's so angry. And this time he intends to do the harm out there and not to himself, yet. He intends to hunt this creature down and ….

"Jack! I'm glad to see you up and around." Hammond interrupts Jack's violent stream of thought.

**Let's begin **

"You said you had intel regarding the creature, sir."

"Yes I do, Jack."

**Feeding the sickness**

Hammond knows what's going on. This is Jack's way of coping. He has to get down to business and go out to get his revenge. This is what's temporarily keeping him together. This is the goal preventing him from harming himself again: harming the creature.

**How do I simplify?**

"I'll make this fast and simple, son. The Tok'ra have heard of this creature before, however their intel is as much as we have gathered about the nature of the creature. Only they have a gate address."

This has Jack already in motion.

"I know you don't want to waste anytime Jack, so I have SG-3 already briefed and ready to…"

"Sir, with all due respect, I don't think it would be wise for anyone to come with me. We all know what this creature is capable of. I am the only one who can go, sir and you know it."

"Be careful, son."

"I'll be prepped and ready in 10 minutes, sir."

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><p><strong>Dislocate the enemies on the way<strong>

Jack's through the gate. His goal is simple: Find out how to undo what has been done to his friends. Defeat the enemy. Necessarily in this order. This is supposed to be the creatures home planet so imagine his surprise when he recognized the architecture as the place as clearly Ancient. Yes, and he doesn't even need Daniel to tell him that as it's staggeringly clear. Who the hell is this creature. Is it a whole race of them or just the one?

**Show me what it's like to dream in black and white**

By his calculations he should start to understand the writing on the wall any second now. Yes, he'd done it again. No one knows that he has but he did. When? After Hammond's visit. After Hammond had asked him not to do anything stupid. He had waited for the effects of the sedatives to wear off and snuck out of the infirmary for a few minutes. Where did he go? The device lab, as he so calls it; the place where they keep some of the alien devices before they ship them off to Area 51. Why did he go there? Well it's simple, he wanted to use the Ancient Repository device, SG-2 had recently acquired. Yes, this time they finally figured out how to remove it from the wall without setting it off. And yes, he has again, voluntarily triggered it. He had no other choice. He knew the timing was perfect as he needed 3 days for the device to take effect. That's why he didn't argue with Hammond about the recuperation time, because the idea had popped in the back of his mind as if he were Carter. He'll need the Ancient knowledge, as the Ancients were clearly immune to the powers of the Creature.

**So I can leave this world tonight**

He can understand the writings on the wall. He starts to read. The sooner he's done with his objective the sooner he can head home, hopefully he'll have enough time to say his goodbyes.

**Full of fear**

Ok, so not so good. As always this race is the outcome of the reckless experimentations of the Ancients. And as always they grew in power that the Ancients lost control. The Ancients were experimenting with emotions in the hopes of one day being able to completely understand and manipulate them. But the experiments backfired and the only emotions they were able to create were the negative ones. Talk about Pandora's box! And so this creature was born and it started to multiply.

**Everclear**

It's clear as day. The damn Ancients did it again! "Oma! You need to tell your fellow friends that this is getting really old! You need to start cleaning up your own mess!" Jack screams at the sky before reading on.

**I'll be here**

**Fighting forever**

Oh, the Ancients found a way to eradicate the creature. They were able to activate a dormant gene in their physiology that rendered them immune to the creature. Of course they did! But… Oh for crying out loud! The already affected people couldn't be saved. Why? Because in order to undo the effect of the creature you had to capture it and reclaim the victim's soul. And the smartass Ancients had already eradicated the creature. Even I thought of that you stupid Ancients. You don't kill the enemy before you get your answers. So there's still hope for Carter, Daniel and Teal'c.

**Curious**

Reading on. Ok so one creature had escaped through the stargate before they could destroy him and as arrogant as they were, they decided not to bother about him. Yada yada… How the hell can you reclaim the victim's soul?

**Venomous**

Oh. This is… yeah this is bad. I have to get inside the creature? The representation of all the bad emotions and live through my teammates worst fears in order to save them. What? And have them hate me for getting inside their minds like this. Well, I'll be dead so I'll have them hating me for many more reasons. Oh these Ancients! (he knows how to redeactivate the ancient gene in order to get inside the creature?)

**You'll find me**

**Climbing to heaven**

Ok so now he has to return. Will he be able to tell Hammond what he's learned or is it too late? He's not sure wether he's completely Ancient now. But from the growing headache he'd say he's almost there. He's always there. Always attempting to cheat the limitations of his brain and body. Always resorting to outside help to be of use. If Daniel was here he'd have been able to read all the text Jack has just read without any Ancient repository help. But Daniel isn't and he is.

**Nevermind**

He's so close to staring to dwell over the saddening fact that all his friends aren't there. They're dying. He's dying. They're… no… he isn't dwelling. Not yet. He has to focus at the task at hand. He's a soldier. He doesn't care. He isn't allowed to care. Not now. He's only allowed to act. Only allowed to do what he is needed to do. To save his friends. And he knows how to save his friends.

**Turn back time**

And he'll do it. If it's the last thing he does. Hell it's going to be the last thing he does. He'll undo all he damage.

**You'll be fine**

He'll restore everyone of them to his previous self. He'll erase the pain. And they'll all be ok and continue on with their lives.

**I will be left behind**

And he'll die. But he doesn't care. Not a single part of him cares. He only cares to hold on to life long enough to pull them through.

**Show me what it's like to dream in black and white**

**So I can leave this world tonight**

He needs to make sure they're ok, before he leaves this world for good this time. And before that he'll need to get inside their dreams. He's dreading the very thought of what he'll have to do. Not because of him, but because of them, of how this will make them feel.

But now he has to go back. He has to try and brief Hammond.

* * *

><p><strong>Holding on to time<strong>

He barely makes it. Jack briefs Hammond partly in English and partly in oblivious Ancient but Hammond gets the whole picture, before Jack has turned only Ancient.

**Breathe a breath of life**

Hammond sighs. Why does Jack always do this. Why is Hammond always in this situation. It's not his job any more. It was one of the reasons that made him gladly accept the post in Washington; not having to go through losing his people, watching them die. And now he's losing not only one but four of his favorite people and friends. Yes they're his favorite. Everybody knows, none even tries to act like he doesn't anymore. Because these four, they're his family and what's more, he's their family too, the only real one they're got. So he sighs again. Deeply. Sam… she's lost her father, her wedding was a disaster and now… Daniel… he's lost his mind, the only precious thing he has left. Teal'c has lost his pride, who he is and his body is dying because of it.

**So I can leave this world behind**

And Jack… he's dying, too, because he can't live without his friends, brothers, the love of his life. So he sacrificed himself, like he always does. Because he'd rather die than lose them.

Hammond has approved Jack to go after the creature. And Jack's already out there, figuring out a way to lure this creature to him. While Hammond is in his office, sighing.

* * *

><p><strong>It only hurts just once<strong>

Jack has figured out how he can lure the creatures to him. Or rather to Sam. Yes, the creature will come only if he uses Sam as bait. The fact is, the creature has only left Sam and the others alone, because they're all so out of it that they're no longer affected by the creature. They're too far gone already. So he has to aggravate Sam, to get her out of her catatonic state. This is when the creature will come cause it'll sense that Sam is in pain, in other words, feeling emotions anew and so it can start its game again.

Jack knows what he has to do, it's screaming clearly in the back of his mind. But he doesn't know if he can.

**They're only broken bones**

Inflicting pain on himself in order to feel is one thing and inflicting pain on the woman he loves to break her out of her catatonia to be tortured is another. What if he can't stop the creature. What if it really gets to her again. What if his plan fails? He can't… he just can't… But what if she remains this way forever. What if she breaks out of her catatonia while he's not with her and they get to her once and for all. What if Teal'c dies. What if Daniel has lost his mind forever. No! He can't not do it. Even if she'll hate him for it, he has to.

He takes her arm in his own but she doesn't even flinch. He wraps his other hand around her arm and with one quick motion cracks her arm bones into two.

**Hide the hate inside**

Sam screams. In shock. In pain. She doesn't know what's going on, only that she's feeling pain.

She looks at Jack, hurt by what he's done. Was he the one who did it? She doesn't know. She's confused and the pain is growing preventing her from thinking straight.

The nurses start to come closer but Hammond orders them to stand down. He's just arrived and he knew that this was part of Jack's plan. He doesn't know what to think either. Right now, he can't help the rising urge to beat the crap out of Jack, for the look of pain in Sam's eyes and the sound of her crying. But his rational mind knows it's not Jack's fault. There's no other way.

Jack doesn't look into Hammond's eyes. He knows what he'll find there, it's the same thing inside all the medical staff's eyes and inside his.

He's is experiencing similar feelings. He wants to take out his gun and shoot himself dead, for what he's done. She's crying because of him. And he's letting her. He isn't doing anything to ease her out of her pain and panic. He just stands there, using his love as bait. He's waiting for her enemy to come to her. Waiting to see her get more aggravated. Yes, he deserves to die. He deserves to die a painful ugly death. But he knows there's no other way. He can live with hating himself and her hating him if this means she'll get to live.

**Holding on to time**

So he stands there, waiting for his plan to work. The sound of the ticking clock like a rope tightening on his neck. He won't be able to take this much longer.

**Breathe a breath of life**

Sam's cries have been subdued due to the physical toll she's in. It's turned to catharsis now. And each time her breath rises and she struggles to draw in another pained one, Jack's heart stops beating.

She doesn't look at him. She still doesn't understand what's going on. She only knows the pain she's in and that something's wrong.

**So I can leave this world behind**

She knows exactly how much is wrong, when the same familiar howls start resounding in the air.

They're here.


End file.
